Bats abound, pumpkins aplenty – It’s that time of the year again. That’s right, it is the annual “Sacrifice a Freshman” time from our very own Copley Crypt Cult. One of the many Georgetown traditions celebrated on campus, the Copley Crypt Cult typically picks three freshmen to sacrifice in the month of October in honor […]

“Oh yeah, the snow is way worse up in Boston,” explains SFS Freshman Justin Harbor. “The average person’s ability to experience disappointment and not resort to violence is also, funnily enough, much worse up there too.” To Harbor and many others who hail from the climate-wise and also emotion-wise frigid region of New England, moving […]

Huh, that’s weird. I just got the results back from the Georgetown Marriage Pact and it says I’m 100% compatible with… let me make sure I’m pronouncing this correctly… your mom? What are the chances! I don’t know Mrs. Brennan very well but it looks like we’d be perfect together. Let’s see… what did I […]

Here at The Georgetown Heckler, we are dedicated to making the transition to Zoom classes as easy as possible. To aid in this shift, we have done some testing and determined the best ways to covertly use the restroom while in a Zoom call. Below, we have laid out a guide for “instructional conti-poo-ity.” Use […]

People everywhere are raving over Marvel’s newest superhero movie, Avengers Endgame. The film has it all: dialogue, a plot, and of course, a heck of a lot of adorable butterfly kisses. That’s right, Avengers Endgame shattered industry predictions last weekend with a whopping 127 butterfly kisses in its 181-minute runtime. This blows past the previous […]

When Haley Joel Osment delivered the performance of a lifetime in the 1999 classic,The Sixth Sense, he rightfully assumed that people would be sufficiently impressed to actually show some gratitude for his work 19 years into the future. Disgracefully, that is not so. During the Oscars on Sunday, not a single person thanked Osment for his […]

GEORGETOWN, D.C. This past week the Student Activities Commission held a vote on whether or not to defund LoveSaxa. The commission eventually resolved to go the extra mile to ensure their place on the wrong side of history. “Really, this one is a no-brainer,” said Martin Garrett (COL ’20), LGBTQ+ activist, “all you had to […]