GEORGETOWN – There was much outrage and ridicule from the Georgetown student body this past week, in response to an infographic published by CAPS that advised students to cope with their stress, depression, and anxiety by simply “STOPping” and proceeding with their day. Students roundly criticized this post, saying that it belittled their experiences with […]

SPOILER ALERT – Well folks, it finally happened. After years of coordinated social media campaigns, nerd rage has actually accomplished something. Streaming now on HBO Max, you can witness director Zack Snyder’s true, unfiltered vision of what 2017’s Justice League movie should have been, before the studio and Joss Whedon came in and ruined everything. […]

“Friends, family, vulturous representatives of SAC, we gather here today to remember and celebrate the life of our dear friend, arch-nemesis, and lover, the Georgetown Caravel. Today is, to be sure, a sad day. But it is also a day for rejoicing, for we know that our favorite undergraduate organization that rephrased Reuters articles and […]

Hey, man! How’s it going? Good? Man, been a crazy year, huh? It’s so good to see you! Did you ever get around to reading my book, Trite Yet Catchy Precolon: Longer Phrase Using Several Unrelated Buzzwords? I was so thrilled that you decided to buy it! It meant a whole lot to me as […]

GEORGETOWN – I’ve tried everything. I’ve emailed him, I’ve attended his virtual office hours even though I’m not in any of his classes. I’ve even pretended to need spiritual guidance. But I don’t care about my spirit. All I yearn for is to be in his presence, and yet Father Carnes, that beautiful, beautiful man, […]

“Alright, you maggots! My name is Sargent Weldman, but as long as you’re here at Parris Island I may as well be God for all you care. From now on you will only speak when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your shit-encrusted mouths will be sir. Do you understand?” “Sir, […]

We here at the Heckler consider ourselves erudite folk, and we take pride in being well-read in all the great classics of world literature. Something we have noticed, however, is that the ending lines of some of those novels have been complete snoozefests. So, we have taken the liberty of improving the closing lines of […]

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Uh oh. There’s a leash and dog collar on the wall behind your professor during your Zoom meeting, and that can only mean one of two things: either they have a dog, or they’re a complete freak in the bedroom. How is one to know? Well, rest assured: just take this quick quiz to find […]