University Withdraws Third-Year Meal Plan Option After DeGioia’s Mother Gives Him a Stern Talking To
By Jack Squat | October 21, 2014
University President Jack DeGioia announced today that the potential 3rd year meal-plan was no longer in consideration during a press conference with his mother, Elaine. “I heard that my son John has been a little bit mean to some of you” said the elder DeGioia to start the press conference. “Well, he and I had […]
Temperatures “Dropping Below Freezing” Report Students from Southern California
By Administrator | October 20, 2014
HARBIN — As the calendar marches steadily through October, Hoyas from Southern California have reported that temperatures have dipped below freezing. Students from this area said they have been monitoring the situation for “some time” and now are ready to conclusively declare the temperature as having moved south of the freezing point. The initial reaction […]
University Announces Second Tier SAC Fair to Advertise Last Resort Clubs
By Maryland Monroe | October 20, 2014
COPLEY LAWN — The University announced this week that they would be organizing a “second tier” Student Activities Fair that will allow the campus’s least enticing clubs to recruit students who were rejected by the exclusive ones. The fair is scheduled to be held next Saturday, after students’ last hopes of being accepted into one […]
Georgetown Psychology Department Measuring Student IQs With New Campus Maze
By Pierre Ledametueur | October 19, 2014
WHITE-GRAVENOR – In a press conference last Tuesday, representatives of Georgetown School of Psychology announced that the newly installed web of temporary walkways cropping up around campus is part of a large-scale psychology experiment testing the intelligence quotas (IQs) of Georgetown University students. Following months of planning, researchers determined that the installation of labyrinthine and […]
Ancient Mayan Calendar Predicts Date When It Will All Be “NSOver”
By Anderson Mini-Cooper | October 19, 2014
LEAVEY CENTER — As a full moon approaches at the end of the month, Mesoamerican long count calendars warn that soon the world will reach the date of the apocalypse. Recovered artifacts suggest that the Mayan people may have predicted the ultimate day of the earth’s existence or, as Georgetown University Department of Archaeology […]
Freshman Pre-med Student Sighted Not Studying
By D. Joya | October 18, 2014
VCW – In a rare occurrence this semester, freshman pre-med student Joe Chang (COL ’18) took a break from his studies to leave his Village C West dorm room. According to floor-mates who were “stunned” from the shock of seeing him in a context other than studying for the first time, Chang stepped out from […]