RED SQUARE- At a ribbon-cutting ceremony on Thursday, Erin Forthe (SFS ʼ15) broke ground for Georgetownʼs newest student group – The Selective Club. “Weʼre filling an important gap in Georgetownʼs rich social environment,” said Forthe at a press conference. “Who wouldnʼt want to be a part of it?” Forthe went on to stress how impressive […]

LEAVEY CENTER – With allegation pouring in described as “shocking” and “eye opening,” the Georgetown University Student Association secret service has come under fire in the past week for a “perpetual failure to exist.” “These kinds of allegations, if true, place the security of prominent GUSA leaders in jeopardy,” said GUSA President Nate Tisa (SFS […]

NEW SOUTH – At a press conference on Monday, Freshman Mariah Fried (NHS ʼ17) announced plans for the immediate cessation of pleasantries with fellow Freshman Eric Studecar (COL ʼ17). Fried and Studecar, whose sole interaction took place in the form of a ten minute conversation on the weekend of September 28th 2013 at a Prospect […]

For the 125th consecutive day, Pierce Reading Room has played host to Club Lau, the annual inaugural party in Lauinger Library. Attendance has waxed and waned throughout Club Lau’s 2013-2014 existence, but a core group of bros, awkward freshmen and administrative officials have kept the party going. “This is the kind of rager Georgetown students […]

GEORGETOWN- A Pew Research Center recently-released poll suggests that Georgetown students were only able to accomplish 8% of their previously stated winter break goals. “Working out,” “finding job/internship,” “reading new book,” “volunteering in community,” “making it out of bed more than twice a day,” and “Jesus Christ, anything at all productive” were among the most […]

LEVEY CENTER- In a 25-1 vote Georgetown University Student Association instituted a temporary new student greeting that mandates students begin any interaction with the phrase: “hey, how was your break?” The mandatory greeting is expected to be imposed for at least one week, but could extend further for awkward conversations with rarely- seen acquaintances. “This […]

Eyewitnesses described it as “cordial chaos” and “pleasantries run amok.” Several witnesses reported seeing individuals leave the scene completely socially bewildered. Sources report the event, an ESCAPE retreat ice breaker, began innocently enough. “Letʼs go around and just say our name and where weʼre from,” ESCAPE leader Neal Chaudhuri (Col ʼ16) purportedly said to initiate […]

VERIZON CENTER- Markel Starks and the Hoyas pulled out a nail bitter against visiting opponent Visitation Prep. “You know it was pretty crazy to be out there playing against my alma matter [Visitation Prep], but Iʼm proud of the heart we played with,” said Starks. “We never gave up.” Starks dropped 23 and junior Joshua […]

NORTH POLE – More than 40 students marched to the North Pole from Red Square this past weekend to a present petition on labor standards to Santa Claus. “Every year millions of Georgetown students go home over winter break to open presents and no one stop and thinks about where these presents are coming from […]

RIGGS LIBRARY- This past weekend University President John DeGoia held a fundraising dinner in Riggs Library as a special thank you to donors who had made significant contributions to the Universityʼs endowment. “I want to thank each and everyone of you for your generosity,” said DeGoia, “Because of your help, we are well on our […]