THE NORTH POLE – After a vague directive from Santa to “wrap it up”, elves are reporting rising levels of confusion, frustration as they try and determine if the order was intended to encourage more gift packaging or halt the process altogether. Shift Supervisor Scout McStuffins offered some insight explaining, “Look, elves are naturally a […]

[This story is developing and will be updated as soon as the cop in TopShop allows the Iggy Pop bop to continue popping off]

ROME – Early Wednesday, the incredible saga of the lawn ornament that tricked Italy drew to a close, as the little fellow left the country with his ill-gotten gains in tow. The garden gnome had spent his time in Rome selling valuable  manuscript cards under false pretenses, repelling malleable, nondescript guards and exploiting one of […]

GEORGETOWN, DC– As the holidays near, it is important to think about the Georgetown community as a whole, and what we can do to help out. Whether that means comforting a friend, giving a gift to a family member, or donating some cans (preferably with a cool label like a dragon or something) to the […]

GEORGETOWN –  The Georgetown Hoyas football team gathered in silence on Sunday. The reason? The college football playoff selection show. For some teams this occasion would be a cause for applause, but in this small room in the Thompson Athletic Center, you could hear a pin drop. However, sadness did not account for the silence […]

HEALY LAWN – While most agree that those little memorials on Healy lawn are probably related to some sort of tragedy or cause, students admitted that the sign was just a little too far from the path to actually read it. Most students have agreed that they feel generally sad when they glance at it, but […]