LAU 2 –“And then we could reference the third info-graph’s secondary purpose in the conclusion! Perfect! I’ve gotta write this down before I forget.”   These were the words that fell upon deaf ears of one Statistical Econometrics group project several nights ago.   According to a source who would only speak with The Heckler […]

University President Jack DeGioia announced today that the potential 3rd year meal-plan was no longer in consideration during a press conference with his mother, Elaine. “I heard that my son John has been a little bit mean to some of you” said the elder DeGioia to start the press conference. “Well, he and I had […]

HARBIN — As the calendar marches steadily through October, Hoyas from Southern California have reported that temperatures have dipped below freezing. Students from this area said they have been monitoring the situation for “some time” and now are ready to conclusively declare the temperature as having moved south of the freezing point. The initial reaction […]

COPLEY LAWN — The University announced this week that they would be organizing a “second tier” Student Activities Fair that will allow the campus’s least enticing clubs to recruit students who were rejected by the exclusive ones. The fair is scheduled to be held next Saturday, after students’ last hopes of being accepted into one […]

WHITE-GRAVENOR – In a press conference last Tuesday, representatives of Georgetown School of Psychology announced that the newly installed web of temporary walkways cropping up around campus is part of a large-scale psychology experiment testing the intelligence quotas (IQs) of Georgetown University students. Following months of planning, researchers determined that the installation of labyrinthine and […]

LEAVEY CENTER — As a full moon approaches at the end of the month, Mesoamerican long count calendars warn that soon the world will reach the date of the apocalypse.   Recovered artifacts suggest that the Mayan people may have predicted the ultimate day of the earth’s existence or, as Georgetown University Department of Archaeology […]

VCW – In a rare occurrence this semester, freshman pre-med student Joe Chang (COL ’18) took a break from his studies to leave his Village C West dorm room. According to floor-mates who were “stunned” from the shock of seeing him in a context other than studying for the first time, Chang stepped out from […]