When the Heckler looks at the fine candidates running for GUSA President whether they be Stewards, Second Stewards, or…Stewards draftees we are impressed but still left wanting. Sure they speak grandiloquently about “reform” and “accountability” and “plugging the leaks” but we all know that once elected they’ll become part of the same bland system that […]
RED SQUARE- At a ribbon-cutting ceremony on Thursday, Erin Forthe (SFS ʼ15) broke ground for Georgetownʼs newest student group – The Selective Club. “Weʼre filling an important gap in Georgetownʼs rich social environment,” said Forthe at a press conference. “Who wouldnʼt want to be a part of it?” Forthe went on to stress how impressive […]
LEAVEY CENTER – With allegation pouring in described as “shocking” and “eye opening,” the Georgetown University Student Association secret service has come under fire in the past week for a “perpetual failure to exist.” “These kinds of allegations, if true, place the security of prominent GUSA leaders in jeopardy,” said GUSA President Nate Tisa (SFS […]
NEW SOUTH – At a press conference on Monday, Freshman Mariah Fried (NHS ʼ17) announced plans for the immediate cessation of pleasantries with fellow Freshman Eric Studecar (COL ʼ17). Fried and Studecar, whose sole interaction took place in the form of a ten minute conversation on the weekend of September 28th 2013 at a Prospect […]
The American culture war heated up last week when celebrity science educator, Bill Nye “the Science Guy,” agreed to a debate over the merits of creationism as a viable explanation of human origins. Now tensions have escalated again after Mr. Nye challenged his opponent to a steel cage rematch that will finally decide “once and […]
Displaying a hauntingly agonized countenance, a breaded and flash-fried Leo O’Donovan has entered his third week of promoting the popular “Chicken Finger Thursdays” against his will. The former president of Georgetown University has now stood outside of the dining hall that bears his name for 504 straight hours at the direct order of current President […]
Reynolds Hall- With perilously low temperatures and massive snowfalls leading to class cancellations and limited mobility, Georgetown students have had to do the impossible and network just with their roommates. What was once a promising semester of industry-sponsored meet-and-greets and off-campus informational interviews has devolved into Georgetown’s version of cabin fever; namely exchanging, editing, and […]
For the 125th consecutive day, Pierce Reading Room has played host to Club Lau, the annual inaugural party in Lauinger Library. Attendance has waxed and waned throughout Club Lau’s 2013-2014 existence, but a core group of bros, awkward freshmen and administrative officials have kept the party going. “This is the kind of rager Georgetown students […]
GEORGETOWN- A Pew Research Center recently-released poll suggests that Georgetown students were only able to accomplish 8% of their previously stated winter break goals. “Working out,” “finding job/internship,” “reading new book,” “volunteering in community,” “making it out of bed more than twice a day,” and “Jesus Christ, anything at all productive” were among the most […]
Failing to mention the drunk driving accident that killed both of his parents Christmas morning, Jeremy Heisner (COL ’15) expressed to an acquaintance Tuesday that his winter break was “pretty good,” sources confirmed. Striving to maintain propriety despite having attended his parents’ funeral less than 72 hours before, Heisner reportedly told Michelle Delaine (COL ’16), […]