Hoya of the Week: Tom Ashburn
By Ed Nonymous | October 24, 2014
The Heckler’s Hoya of the Week goes to Sophomore Tom Ashburn (MSB ’17) for his selfless actions in briefly considering sitting with a student eating alone in Leo’s. Ashburn, a native of the heartland of our proud nation, Hartford, Connecticut, was seen perusing the deli section of Leo’s early Wednesday morning when he noticed the […]
Jack the Bulldog GERMSed at New South “Pregame of the Year”
By Mr. E. Mann | October 23, 2014
NEW SOUTH — The Heckler has learned that Jack the Bulldog (COL ’18), a Georgetown icon and mascot, was transported to the hospital by GERMS this Thursday night. Jack was attending a pregame in New South with some freshman friends which was described by the Facebook event as being the “Pregame of the Year.” “The night […]
Study: 80% of Hoyas Would Marry Other Hoyas if Only That Cute Boy in the Front of Class Would Notice Them
By Maryland Monroe | October 23, 2014
ICC — A recent Georgetown University study has shown that 80% of Georgetown students would marry other Georgetown students if they could just get the cute boy from the front of class to notice them. The study reported that, when asked, approximately four out of every five female students surveyed would “definitely marry that […]
University Promotes GoCard App as “The ID That Fits in Your Pocket”
By Arman Arman | October 23, 2014
WHITE-GRAVENOR — In the latest effort by administrators to promote the university’s digital strategy, Georgetown today released a new campaign for its GoCard Mobile app, touting it as a GoCard that “can fit in your pocket!” A series of posters around the campus highlight the various benefits of the app for students, which include “the […]
GU Fossil Free Vandalizes Smithsonian T. Rex
By Ian Cognito | October 22, 2014
SMITHSONIAN — Metropolitan Police took five members of GU Fossil Free into custody Monday night after they were caught vandalizing the Tyrannosaurus rex fossil in the Smithsonian’s Natural History Museum. Responding to a call from museum security, the police apprehended the students as they were throwing buckets of yellow paint onto the petrified remains […]
University Announces Plan to Merge Departments of English, Philosophy and Theology into School of Barista Studies
By Papa Fransisco | October 22, 2014
HEALY HALL – In a long-anticipated move, the President’s Office announced the merger of three formerly independent elements of Georgetown College. The Georgetown School of Barista Studies will begin classes in Spring of 2015, and will incorporate all of the current students and faculty from the English, Philosophy and Theology department. President DeGioia […]
United Nations to Air Drop Emergency Food Aid to those Waiting in Pasta Line
By Sterling Archer | October 21, 2014
NEW YORK — The United Nations World Food Programme today announced its plans to air drop lifesaving assistance to refugees stranded in the Leo J. O’Donovan’s pasta line. Following a unanimous security council resolution the organization pledged roughly 2,000 tons of food in emergency aid. “We are pulling out all the stops to keep […]
Group Project Reports Karen is Doing All The Work
By Chip McDevin | October 21, 2014
LAU 2 –“And then we could reference the third info-graph’s secondary purpose in the conclusion! Perfect! I’ve gotta write this down before I forget.” These were the words that fell upon deaf ears of one Statistical Econometrics group project several nights ago. According to a source who would only speak with The Heckler […]