MSB Offering 7 Credit Course entitled “Academic Eligibility”
By John Doe | November 18, 2014
HARIRI — In an unexpected announcement, the McDonough School of Business will begin offering a seven-credit course entitled “Academic Eligibility” in the Marketing department in the spring of 2015. University Registrar praised the new course as “ground breaking” and “totally legitimate.” The course, brainchild of Basketball Coach John Thompson III, was available this […]
Administration Considering Fourth Year Housing Requirement at Georgetown College in Kentucky
By The Professor | November 17, 2014
GEORGETOWN COLLEGE, KENTUCKY — Coming on the heels of the announcement in April that introduced a three-year on-campus housing requirement for all students, Georgetown administrators are now reportedly “strongly” considering a fourth-year requirement, an initiative that would send all future senior classes to Georgetown College in Kentucky. Georgetown College, a private liberal arts school […]
Heckler Big East Preview
By King Arthur Radley | November 16, 2014
The Heckler’s sports experts breakdown and break up with each Big East team for the 2014-15 season. Villanova Wildcats Strengths: Ability to get their head in the game Weaknesses: Boys with wavy brown hair and blue eyes Key Stat to Watch: Their win/loss record Georgetown Hoyas Strengths: Wonderful internship opportunities […]
NEWS IN PICTURE: Georgetown’s Taxidermy Club Initiation Huge Success
By Heckler Staff | November 16, 2014
Senior Biology of Global Health Major Surprised to Learn NHS Does Not Stand for ‘National Honor Society’
By Insert Pseudonym Here | November 16, 2014
ST. MARY’S- John Martin (COL ‘15) was flabbergasted to learn yesterday afternoon that the NHS was not the National Honor Society, but in fact the School of Nursing and Health. When we caught up with John and asked him how he could go four years without figuring out the truth about the NHS he […]
HoyaLink Finance to be Replaced with Single, Large Abacus
By Jack Squat | November 15, 2014
LEAVEY CENTER — Citing the need for “more transparent accounting” as well as a desire to see if this “might be just crazy enough to work,” the Center for Student Engagement has replaced all HoyaLink Finance accounts with a single, large abacus kept on the third floor of Leavey. “It’s a really simple concept” said Erika […]
GUPD Busts Meal Swipe Dealer
By Mr. E. Mann | November 15, 2014
LEO’S — Following a concerted administrative effort to crack down on Georgetown’s underground meal swipe trade, the GUPD busted a massive meal swipe ring operating out of Lau 2 last Wednesday. Following a six-month investigation, GUPD arrested of alleged ringleader Todd McCarthy (MSB ‘15), GUPD announced its intention to . His lawyer told the […]
REVIEW OF THE HILLTOSS: Why Aren’t They Allowed to Sell Condoms?
By Ed Nonymous | November 14, 2014
Today the Students of Georgetown Incorporated opened their first new storefront in a decade, the Hilltoss, a salad and smoothie shop in the Healey Family Student Center. I visited the new storefront this afternoon to review its offerings for the Heckler, but was left with a thought I couldn’t shake afterwards: why aren’t they […]
Lauinger to Add Laserium to Second Floor, Make Studying Even More Distracting
By Tom Bombadil | November 14, 2014
LAUINGER—Head of Georgetown University Library Kathleen Stevens has announced a new addition—a laserium—to the university’s Lauinger Library. The laserium will be placed in Lauinger Floor 2, or “Lau 2” as it is colloquially known, and will be in non-stop operation after its installment. According to Stevens, the University was looking for a place to […]
Fr. O’Brien Follows Up Northeast Triangle Blessing With Reiss Exorcism
By Arman Arman | November 14, 2014
REISS — In an unannounced ceremony this week, Fr. Kevin O’Brien, Vice President for Missions and Ministry, followed up his blessing of the Northeast Triangle site with an exorcism of the Reiss Science building. On Saturday, O’Brien said a quick prayer at a scheduled gathering outside the Northeast Triangle construction site, removed a large […]