The Last Straw: Why I have Officially Given Up on the Tasteless, Depraved Hollywood Machine

CAWLEY CAREER CENTER – A networking event held last night with professionals from the international supermodel industry shattered all previous attendance records at Georgetown’s career center.   While the career center regularly offers networking events for the medical, legal, and finance industries, as well as the government and nonprofit sectors, last night’s event represented the […]

HENLE —In a bout of panic, Sophomore Kevin Peters (COL ’17) spent all Saturday night on the Internet Movie Database (IMDB) cramming for his Sunday evening Oscar viewing party.   “I had two papers and a midterm this week,” said Peters, “so I had to put off all my studying until last night.”   Peters […]

GEORGETOWN – In a recent announcement to the Georgetown student body, a shivering Vice President of Student Affairs Todd Olson has effectively banned snowballs from the entire university. “Unfortunately, the campus community just cannot be trusted with the privilege to hurl snow at each other,” Olsen said while drinking a hot cocoa, “It just saddens […]

GEORGETOWN, DC – While standing in line to see the popular new film Fifty Shades of Grey, a local girl was overheard telling friends how disgusting pornography is. “Porn objectifies women, and it creates really unrealistic expectations for sex,” the girl stated loudly to friends also waiting to see the film, which is rated R […]

At The Heckler we realize how important the graphic designs of each campaign can be in influencing the perception of the various tickets amongst the student body, especially with such a large group of undecided and uninformed voters. While each ticket’s graphic design team had a specific feeling they attempted to capture in the logo, […]

LEAVEY CENTER – Despite its failure to release a legitimate platform or budget, both Vox and The Hoya straw polls indicate that the Regret ticket is currently the frontrunner to win the 2015 GUSA executive election.   Garnering support primarily from self-described “students not following the race,” the Regret ticket has skyrocketed to popularity following […]

Recognizing the vital role that satire plays in the conduct of student affairs, the Georgetown Heckler is proud to announce that it is formally withdrawing its endorsement of the Luther-Rohan ticket and is instead endorsing the Chris and Meredith ticket for the GUSA executive 2015 election.   Redefining just how poignant political satire can be […]

Humbert reflects on the tenderness of life, and the soft, forbidden sweetness of a young boy’s cheek     Were there other films before this? There were; of course there were. I was late in arriving to the theatre (traffic, lightning), and not in the most generous of spirits when the house lights gave way […]

HFSC — A last-minute confession of employment as an airline steward from GUSA hopeful Joe Luther (COL ’16) has thrown the election into turmoil.   “I feel as though I must be completely transparent with the public,” said Luther. “For the past two and a half years I have globe-trotted the world, providing assorted refreshments […]