VCW – SafeRides, a free taxi service available to Georgetown students, has been cancelled for this weekend because of a recent spate of crimes around Georgetown, according to an email sent Tuesday night to students.   The email explained, “due to inclement conditions in the West Georgetown neighborhood–including a recent rise in muggings and assaults–SafeRides […]

MARY’S- Sophomore Martin Havelly (SFS ’17) has taken advantage of his computer science major to apply for a competitive internship with Robocop.   “I just learned how to program in C++, and learning to program quasi-sentient artificial intelligence to help reanimate the bodies of gravely wounded policemen just seemed like the next step.”   The […]

LANZHOU, CHINA – Junior Emma Kadinsky (SFS ‘16) flew 6830 miles by airplane last weekend from New York to China to teach local villagers the urgency of reducing energy use in the face of climate change. “Even though it took over 48 hours of traveling, I’m super happy to be here and to be able […]

WHITE HOUSE — Late Saturday afternoon Surgeon General Vivek Murthy released the results of a 7 year study in which he recommended that watching Georgetown basketball be classified as a “high risk behavior.”   “Whether struggling to maintain a lead in the closing minutes of a game or attempting a futile comeback, even a single […]

HARBIN– In what some analysts consider an act of war, the FBI has confirmed that North Korean hackers changed Stephen Landa’s (COL ‘18) Facebook status to “poopie.” The hack took place yesterday at approximately 3:07 AM EST. “What the hell?” Landa said. “Now my friends are going to think I’m two years old.” The White […]

SOUTHWEST QUAD – After being physically separated from her friends during the winter break, Katy McGillis (COL ’16) has reportedly missed the first two weeks of classes due to hugging friends she had not seen since the previous semester.  “Oh my God! How are you? I missed you so much,” screamed McGillis as she saw […]

ICC 108— Calling the human mind “a well-intentioned device which is perpetually misused,” Government Professor Dave Santos informed his Women in Politics seminar today he was no longer allowing laptops to be used by students during class. “When the human mind was introduced I was at first optimistic that it could be used for scholarly […]

YATES — Newly hired Men’s Cross-Country Coach Greg Winters expressed disappointment about the team’s performance to reporters after a NCAA tournament Tuesday morning. “Well I thought we’d at least be at the Mississippi at this point in the season, but it seems as if we just keep going in circles. I’d hate to not reach […]

MCCARTHY HALL – Sophomore Ellen Koffman (SFS ’17) announced this week that she has never been more thankful for Martin Luther King Jr.’s contributions to the advancement of long weekends.   In a statement released last Thursday, Koffman stated, “Recent current events have really made me realize how important King’s work toward promoting our basic […]