WHITE-GRAVENOR — Citing his “complete lack of preparation” for the world outside of the front gates, Senior Chris Mitchell (MSB ’14) quietly preregistered for classes last week for the fall of 2014 in the hopes no one would notice. “Well I wasn’t locked out of pre-registration on MyAccess,” said Mitchell in an email to The […]
GEORGETOWN — Citing a recent surge in malware attacks, including the powerful “Heartbleed” security breech, Georgetown Chief Information Officer Lisa Davis urgently requested all Georgetown students destroy their technology. At a sparsely-attended emergency press conference in the UIS Executive Office on Wednesday Davis outlined how the crisis unfolded: “at first we requested everyone change their […]
GEORGETOWN — As he notified he the world this week, Pleasure Place Owner Frankie Carlondie’s store will be closing up shop in the near future. This announcement set off a panic among students on the hilltop who were in need of gag gifts. “This closure could not have come at a worst time,” said Business […]
WASHINGTON — Calling it a “sad sight” the President of Georgetown’s Rejected Students Program (GRSP) Andrea Friori (SFS’16) lamented the low attendance of last weekend’s Rejected Student’s Weekend. At a press conference, Friori described the weekend as “a moment of soul searching for what our organization stands for.” The program, founded in 1985, was designed […]
REISS — Calling it one of the more anxious moments of his educational life Theology Professor Andrew Walter managed slide through his THEO 434 Seminar without doing the reading. “I just have a lot going on in other classes right now, okay?” said Walter who watched four uninterrupted hours of Netflix the day before teaching […]
If thereʼs one thing there is a shortage of, itʼs march madness articles. Part two of the Hecklerʼs March Madness advice has arrived. WEST 1 Arizona v 16 Weber State: Weber is not a state. If they donʼt know that how can they win a basketball game? Pick: Arizona 8 Gonzaga v 9 Oklahoma St: […]
Warren Buffet is offering one billion dollars for a perfect bracket, my advice is free. But you also get what you pay for. SOUTH BRACKET 1 Florida v 16 UA/MS Mary: Florida has the cure for MS (Mary) Pick: Florida 8 Colorado v 9 Pittsburg: Evenly matched numbers here, legalization gives Colorado the high, but […]
WASHINGTON — Inspired by their own experiences as prospective students, 250 volunteers will introduce 400 high school seniors to the clothing chain Gap this weekend. Emma Spicci (MSB ʼ16), who attended a Gap weekend last spring, said the warmth and soft fabrics she noticed in Gap clothes when she visited prompted her to join Gap […]
MADISON, WI — Amanda Carlsonʼs (NHS ʼ15) most recent album upload earlier this week has drawn intense scrutiny from her 758 Facebook friends. The album, titled “Spring Break(ers)!!!”, consists of 63 pictures from her still-ongoing vacation to San Juan, Puerto Rico with fellow Biology of Global Health majors Margo Henry and Emily Henderson. Uploaded on […]
NEVILS — Authorities are still searching for a spider who escaped from the back corner of Nevils L-20’s bathroom around 7:30 a.m. Saturday. Apartment resident Andrea Colloway (COL ’16) says the spider was last seen near the haircare products fleeing eastbound. The spider was wearing its black skin, but he may have changed. It’s described […]