Note from the Editor in Chief: This story was anonymously slipped under the door of the Heckler office. It has been edited for some adult themes in order to comply with our third party offshore appropriateness advisory board, but the original sentiment and character of the story remain. Goddamn feta cheese and balsamic dressing! Us, […]

SPORTS RECAP: Apparently there was a basketball game or something this week, but all Hoyas truly in the loop knew that only one battle of stamina and wills captivated the Hilltop. On Sunday night, first-years Maddy Bernard (MSB ‘23) and Anjali Joshi (COL ‘23) found themselves preparing for bed on Darnall 6 at roughly the […]

The soulful voice of Otis Redding is an American cultural treasure. Millions of people have found comfort and tranquility in his sultry singing. However, it has recently come to the attention of the vigilant Heckler Culture & Music staff that the classic tune, (Sittin’ On) the Dock of the Bay, is nothing but a censored […]

In a shocking turn of events, this past Sunday the Student Guards orchestrated a coup d’etat, dissolving GUSA and establishing a brutal police state.    Effective immediately, all civil liberties have ceased to exist across campus. Reports indicate that Student Guards have the right to beat the ever-loving shit out of anyone that “be looking […]

GENEVA – In its most recent published report, the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) confirmed that the globe is indeed heating up, but for some rather sultry reasons. Quite surprisingly, Mother Earth is “somewhat turned on” at the prospect of being completely ravaged by the human race. After years of abuse, the climate believes […]

Dear Members of the Georgetown University Community: It is with sincere appreciation for your boundaries that I write this letter to you today. I do not wish to infringe on your personal space. I do not wish to infringe on your comfort zone. But before the day is over, I must ask: would it be […]

Earlier this week, the Office of Global Education (OGE) released a new report on Georgetown students’ participation in study abroad programs with the exciting conclusion that all the ugly people went abroad this semester, and now you are the only one left. The report, entitled “Why YOU Should Go Abroad,” highlights all of the reasons […]

For many Georgetown Students (probably around 50%, but who’s to say), trips to the bathroom often involve an awkward silence shared with adjacent urinal users. Those looking to break the ice and form meaningful connections, no matter the scenery, can lead with the following:   “Wow, powerful stream!” Leading with a compliment is a great […]

TINDER – Junior Esther Caulfield (NHS ‘21) was undoubtedly one of many to swipe right on what seemed to be an ironic and admittedly funny profile featuring Georgetown’s beloved Jack the Bulldog.  “It was just the most adorable picture, and the bio said things like ‘I love to take long walks and skateboard!’ It was […]

Honor Council delegates were seen licking their lips and rubbing their hands together as they pressed send on an email that went out to all undergraduate students at Georgetown earlier today, reminding them of the importance of academic integrity. In fact, the group looked quite festive all week leading up to the email, carrying large […]