WHITE-GRAVENOR — Citing the need for more research to make a better campus, the administration announced that they will be sending out a survey about surveys. Recent data suggests that the number of surveys the administration has used has shown exponential growth while student interest in surveys according to a recently conducted survey […]
After a fire was reported in a townhouse on the 3400 block of Prospect, residents were mystified by the lack of official help. As flames engulfed the building, the only visible aid came from two students who attempted to pour half drunk beers on the fire, and one extremely drunk girl who spit on the […]
NEVILS — Seven hours before Matt Claiborne (COL ’16) was set to throw a birthday party for his best friend Jared O’Neill (SFS ’15), he heard a forceful knock on his door. After Claiborne failed to open the door within 30 seconds, two Georgetown Police Officers broke down his Nevils’ door to enter the apartment, shouting […]
ICC AUDITORIUM — Twenty minutes after the conclusion of his Wednesday afternoon International Relations course, junior Eric Wong (MSB ’16) was reported to be still sitting in the ICC Auditorium mindlessly scrolling through the internet. Throughout the 75-minute course Wong reportedly looked up from his laptop once only to avoid sneezing on his Macbook Pro’s […]
RED SQUARE — Junior Lee Presser (MSB ’16) has reportedly brought together a group of 35 students to create the new student group “Georgetown University Association For Various Student Activities and Other Associated Associations of Acronyms,” or GUAFVSAOAAA for short. When asked why he created the group, Presser angrily responded, “I’m sick and tired of […]
Licking his lips and rapidly tapping his fingers on a podium at a press conference on Tuesday, Georgetown University President John J. DeGioia unveiled a tentative plan to construct over 600 gazebos on campus over the next three years. “Gimmi those Gazebos!” shouted a visibly excited and slobbering DeGioia to an audience of confused reporters. […]
YATES FIELD HOUSE— Athletic Department officials at Yates Field House told reporters today that the approximate waiting time for a treadmill at the gym was now four years. With the addition of several dozen underclassman females this weekend, the line finally broke the four year mark and offered new testimony to Georgetown’s health crazed campus. […]
HENLE 44— As the news of the diagnosis of the first case of ebola on American soil, a feeling relief swept through Henle 44 and through David Cartwright (MSB ’17) who has “been having a really rough go about it this semester” in the classroom. After a particularly brutal first few midterms in Elements of […]