HARBIN – Preliminary reports indicate that Georgetown student Tim Hopkins (COL ’17), is, for some reason, really excited about staying on campus over Thanksgiving break. In contrast to the vast majority of Hoyas who will be returning home for Thanksgiving to spend time with family and friends, Hopkins will reportedly be spending the entirety of […]
To combat the new H*yas for Choice Condom Delivery Service, which some fear may lead to an increase in instances premarital sex, Georgetown’s Jesuit community is instituting a new rapid-action Abstinence Convincing Service for parties. The Heckler interviewed the director of the program, Fr. Dennis Holligan, SJ, in his office in Wolfington Hall. His office […]
The following excerpts were stolen from the Office of Student Affairs’s “pending disciplinary action” file by the Heckler’s exclusive News Ninjas: Q. Hi there, peer advisor. I’m a new freshman having problems with preregistration, can you help me out? A. Hi there, freshman. Let’s get one thing straight; I’m not your mommy and I’m absolutely […]
Recent events surrounding the Georgetown satellite campus have prompted me to speak directly to the Georgetown student body and university administrators. It is important to do so at a time of insufficient communication between our societies. I was deeply saddened to hear that Georgetown University is contemplating the idea of a satellite campus to meet […]
Editorial Note: We at The Heckler like to consider ourselves paragons of serious, high-minded journalism. But we understand that times are changing. In recent years, sites like Buzzfeed have pioneered a new category of web content: the listicle. Now, The Georgetown Heckler has been called a lot of things over the years — unprofessional, lazy, […]
Georgetown University landmark Lauinger Library has been selected as a primary location for a remake of George Orwell’s 1984, sources confirm. One of two remaining examples of New Brutalist architecture left in the District of Columbia, Lauinger’s unrelenting ugliness perfectly conveys the bleakness of Orwell’s dystopian vision. “It really is our dream location,” the director […]
In a bid to respond to Georgetown’s lack of future student housing and to rekindle America’s long-dormant fascination with space exploration, University administrators have proposed a $500 billion satellite satellite campus, which will rotate in a geosynchronous orbit just beyond Earth’s thermosphere. When pressed on the practicality of such an expensive endeavor, Vice President for […]
When senior SFS students Lawrence Pullman and Olivia Farley met their sophomore year, they didn’t have much in common. From opposite coasts and with completely different family backgrounds, they struggled to find any similarities. But eventually they became infatuated with each other, bonding over their mutual love of hiking and realism. In an interview with […]
Greetings, sun-bleached readers! It’s me, the editor of The Georgetown Heckler. I hope you all had fulfilling and arrest-free summers. But now another year begins which means another year to join a bunch of clubs that may or not be relevant to any of your interests. Now normally I would advise against joining any clubs. […]
Following a recent policy change barring students from owning cars on or near campus except in special circumstances, the ANC voted today to just simplify the process and erect a wall between 35th and 36th streets, ensuring that students not spillover their “noisy, beer-sodden lifestyles” into the upper class neighborhood. The policy was made without […]