HEALY HALL — In its latest press release, the Georgetown administration announced that construction on new buildings is proceeding behind schedule as planned, with work on track to meet none of the requirements of the anticipated 2020 Campus Plan. Though the new Campus Plan has yet to be announced University Spokesperson Stacey Kerr told the […]

Healy Hall — Saying that the old methods of utilizing graveyards, ghouls and fake blood “just doesn’t cut it anymore,” Director of Residential Living and Scary Events Jenny Helmshire announced that the decorations for this year’s annual “Haunted Healy” attraction would be focused around life post-graduation.   The haunted house attraction, put on by the […]

REISS — In a landmark defeat for students with disabilities on campus, construction worker Jason Ader rolled wheelchair-bound sophomore Alex Tirole (MSB ’17) into a bottomless pit.   The incident occurred last Tuesday as Tirole passed the Reiss Walkway construction site.  Ader, shouting that Tirole was “moving too slowly” and that “the reckoning hath cometh”, […]

POTOMAC RIVER—This weekend Georgetown Sailing coach Michael Callahan announced that the team had contracted three cases of the disease scurvy aboard the SS Cura Personalis.   Callahan said the cases came about after 3 months on seas as the ship was sailing through the Philippine Sea. “You know, we try to keep incidence of the […]

GASTON HALL — Though the dining options at Georgetown’s Leo O’Donnovan Hall (affectionately dubbed ‘Leo’s’) have plagued students’ bowels for years, the subject has been beautifully finessed throughout the University sponsored multi-media project ‘Georgetown Stories.’ As 11 undergrads record their Hoya experience via video blog, social media, and photography, they’ve somehow managed to keep widespread […]

MCCARTHY HALL— Monday evening, multiple firemen responding to potentially lethal levels of methane gas were forced to sign in by student guard Matt Harris (SFS ’16) before attending to the issue.   “Not a single one of us had our IDs with us at the time. I must’ve left my ID in my other pants. […]

GASTON HALL – This Monday, the Georgetown University Lecture Fund announced that God will deliver the introductory speech for the much anticipated Hillary Clinton remarks on women’s role in business on Thursday.   “We’re thrilled that God can find time in his busy schedule to introduce the former secretary of state before she addresses a […]

LEO’S – This week marked the installment of an experimental security system at Leo’s in an attempt to curb the rising amount of food and utensil thefts.   Leo’s Acting Director of Security and Intelligence Linda Stalleworthe unveiled the full body scanner in place of two of the three computers where students typically swipe in. […]