Uh oh. There’s a leash and dog collar on the wall behind your professor during your Zoom meeting, and that can only mean one of two things: either they have a dog, or they’re a complete freak in the bedroom. How is one to know? Well, rest assured: just take this quick quiz to find […]

Let’s be real. We are all guilty of skipping a sudsing every once in a while, but on occasion our loved ones let personal hygiene slide too far. Here are some strategies to help you gently let a relative know that it is time to open a window! Lead by example Lament that you feel […]

Finance major, Derek Crewson (MSB ‘21) bemoans the loss of the Georgetown Basketball Team’s star player just like the rest of the university. However for Crewson, he is sad for a different reason than most. “He really made my girlfriend, Alexa (COL ‘23), so happy,” explained Crewson. “She is just naturally very attracted to dudes […]

TAMPA, FLORIDA – Local woman Beth Chowder took the internet by storm last Tuesday after posting a social update for her friends to Instagram Stories, featuring Beth in the foreground, stepping forward, then backwards, on what looked to be an exterior street.  A source close to Chowder reached out to The Heckler: “it wasn’t so […]

Here at The Georgetown Heckler, we are dedicated to making the transition to Zoom classes as easy as possible. To aid in this shift, we have done some testing and determined the best ways to covertly use the restroom while in a Zoom call. Below, we have laid out a guide for “instructional conti-poo-ity.” Use […]

SCIENCE – According to chobanipropoganda.gov, that watery substance atop your Greek yogurt isn’t water at all. The liquid is actually whey, a protein that naturally separates out of dairy products. Everytime someone cracks open a fresh tub of Fagé and says, “Ew why is there always water on top,” not only are they wrong, they are […]

McCARTHY HALL – Resident Minister Anthony “Tony” Manza’s weekly office hours for students were empty this week, likely because the Southwest Quad, like the rest of campus, has been vacated in order to contain the spread of the COVID-19 virus.  Although, if we’re being honest, they were empty last week too.  And the week before.  […]

Breaking news! Presidential hopeful and democratic frontrunner, Joe Biden, has tested positive for COVID-19.  This is what we are going to say when it happens. It’s just good journalism to have the news ready to print before it happens so you can be the ones to say it first. The Heckler prides itself in its […]

Georgetown University – Hello? Hello!? Is anyone here? This isn’t funny anymore guys, I’m really starting to worry. Everyone can come out now. I’m flattered that everyone knows when my half-birthday is, but I don’t think it warrants a surprise party of this magnitude. I haven’t seen anyone in four days, and I’ve looked all over. […]

Unaware of his sheer folly and hubris, first-year student Jacob Harrison (COL ‘23) recently excitedly told his friends that he had discovered an entirely new section of the famed tunnels underneath Georgetown’s campus.    “We were pretty excited at first,” said fellow freshman Maria Jeffress (NHS ‘23), “so of course we asked Jake to show […]