Stories at Georgetown: Introducing Tara Fisher (COL ’16)
By Administrator | March 1, 2016
Our next installment of Stories at Georgetown. The series will follow a diverse variety of Hoyas as they show you around the Hilltop and demonstrate why the Georgetown experience is unlike any other. Today, you’ll meet Tara Fisher (COL ’16), who missed her first three years due to medical leave.
Romney Sets Vacation Email Auto Response Through November 8th
By Administrator | February 24, 2016
Holladay, Ut – Many in the Republican establishment are concerned that Governor Mitt Romney, the party’s presidential nominee in 2012, is no longer responding to emails. This sudden lack of communication from the former governor of Massachusets comes as many in party leadership are dissatisfied with the current slate of presidential candidates. “We tried sending […]
Rams Take Restaurant Job While Awaiting Big Break in LA
By Administrator | February 22, 2016
HOLLYWOOD, CA – In a move that critics have been quick to call desperate, the newly relocated St. Louis Rams accepted a job waiting tables in Los Angeles’s most iconic neighborhood while waiting on their professional football career to take off. “We want to emphasize that we’ll only be working at The Hungry Cat until […]
Jan Karski Statue Concedes Chess Game After Decade of Drunken Piece-Thefts
By Administrator | February 21, 2016
WHITE GRAVENOR – After over a decade-long epic battle, an era has come to and end this Sunday as the Jan Karski statue reluctantly conceded its game of chess, which started in 2002, pitting the statue in a confrontation with the elements and drunken passersby. The first unexpected turn in the match came in […]
With Only Hours Left, Freshman Laments Lack of Candidates to Kiss Up To
By Administrator | February 18, 2016
NEW SOUTH—As election night nears its close, go-getting freshmen are frantically hitching onto the one ticket they find viable enough to kiss up to. “I know a lot of students are apathetic towards GUSA, but many freshmen like myself depend on nights like tonight to help put that 12th club credit on our résumé,” commented […]
Student Excited to Learn Who His Favorite Comedians Are Supposed To Be
By Administrator | February 16, 2016
SELLINGER LOUNGE – Upon hearing that two Georgetown alumni, comedians Nick Kroll and John Mulaney, are visiting campus, junior Zachary Hearthsworth (SFS ’17) noted that he is excited to learn who his favorite comedians should have been this whole time. “I love what they’ve done, and how they have really incorporated our mutually-shared Georgetown […]
Likely Republican Voters Pleased that Rubio, Bush “Speak Mexican”
By Administrator | February 11, 2016
As the presidential primaries move south, globally-minded Republican voters have signaled their admiration for Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) and former Florida governor Jeb Bush’s extraordinary ability to speak Mexican. “Well I figured the Rubio fella’ could speak Mexican on account of his Mexican name, but it sure is great that a guy with a name like Jeb can […]
Fox Announces “Republican Debates” Picked Up for Second Season
By Administrator | February 9, 2016
NEW YORK CITY, NY – Citing off-the-charts ratings and a quickly growing fan base, Fox Headquarters announced Thursday that it would be renewing Republican Debates for a second season beginning in December of 2016. Executive producer Robert MacDougal spoke to the press and tried to explain the show’s unparalleled success. “I think the […]