REAGAN AIRPORT — Earlier today in Terminal B’s security checkpoint TSA Agent Danny Carmichael informed First Grader Abby Davis in what witnesses called a “fun-loving” cartoon voice that he was imminently about to pat her down in search of explosives. Witnesses described the voice Carmichael used as being “somewhat of a mesh between Spongebob and […]

VILLAGE C EAST —  As funds have recently become available the Georgetown Department of Public Safety has upgraded to the latest in on-campus crime prevention: 12-Speed Huffy Bikes.   Georgetown’s most notable crime syndicates, the Mazzetti Family, Los Gatos Crew, and those skecthy emo kids who smoke outside of Lau sometimes, have been rumored to […]

YOUR RESIDENCE — In the throes of passionate copulation happening a floor above your room, local couple Lauren French (SFS ’17) and Mike Powell (COL ’17) paused to confirm with The Heckler that they were in dirty, dirty heaven.   “There are no words to describe how hot the past eighteen minutes have been,” said […]

Taking 40% of the votes cast, “The Heal” is the winner (loser) of the Heckler’s word to ban in 2015. Thank you for not saying “The Heal.”

RED SQUARE – Witnesses confirmed Wednesday afternoon that Keith Hansen (SFS ’17) followed a trail of pizza slices leading to a large cardboard box propped up with a stick that subsequently collapsed, trapping the Georgetown student under the box.   Onlookers corroborated reports that Hansen was seen at approximately 2 p.m. frantically picking up slices […]

Multi-Sport Field – Georgetown University’s football team celebrated the end of the 2014 season today by awarding each player a special trophy for participation.   After beating Holy Cross to end the season 3-8, head coach Rob Sgarlata called his players together for an end-of-season ceremony.   “Great hustle today, guys,” Sgarlata told the team. […]

HEALY CIRCLE — “Every time a tour gets led and they refer to the ‘Gentle-MAN behind me’ my skin starts to crawl,” stated Jess Yu (NHS ‘18) to the Heckler.   Recently, Hotly Entrenched Students Hating Entrapment (HE/SHE) group has spoken out strongly on a topical issue. In a variety of circles around campus, students […]