Historical Measles Epidemic Reenactment Occurs at Disneyland

ANAHEIM- Disneyland visitors were treated to a special interactive amusement park attraction last weekend as they took part in a historical reenactment of a measles outbreak. Many customers were excited to experience the deadly disease in real life. Joe Grawson, a park visitor, said, “Seeing such a famous viral infection spread from unvaccinated child to […]



The Corp Rolls Out New Brand of Personalities

LEAVEY CENTER – Following recent criticisms of worker homogeneity, The Corp is set to release a new series of personalities for its baristas and cashiers later this week.   Three transformative and radically improved personality options including “Not Popular in High School,” “Introverted and Average Looking,” and “Genuinely Interested in Customer Service” will debut in […]

Student Who Places Himself on Pedestal Experiences Altitude Sickness

VILLAGE A – Describing it as “an exasperating, perpetual burden,” self-important Hunter Rudolph (MSB ’16) reported suffering altitude sickness due to the high pedestal on which he places himself. Shortness of breath, nausea, headache, and tiredness are all symptoms that Rudolph claims to have experienced.   “I’m not one to complain. This comes with the […]



A Public Masturbator Reviews: ICC 219B   Recently updated !

If you’re on campus and looking for a good place to publicly stroke your genitals until orgasm, then look no further: ICC 219B is the place for you. Nestled right in the heart of one of the most trafficked buildings on campus, 219B has everything you need to whip it and grip it.   The […]

Supermodel Networking

Supermodel Industry Networking Event Sets Career Center Attendance Record

CAWLEY CAREER CENTER – A networking event held last night with professionals from the international supermodel industry shattered all previous attendance records at Georgetown’s career center.   While the career center regularly offers networking events for the medical, legal, and finance industries, as well as the government and nonprofit sectors, last night’s event represented the […]

Overeager Sophomore Spends All Night on IMDB Cramming for Oscars

HENLE —In a bout of panic, Sophomore Kevin Peters (COL ’17) spent all Saturday night on the Internet Movie Database (IMDB) cramming for his Sunday evening Oscar viewing party.   “I had two papers and a midterm this week,” said Peters, “so I had to put off all my studying until last night.”   Peters […]

82nd Annual Academy Awards - "Meet The Oscars" New York


“No More Snowballs” Declares Cold and Wet Todd Olson

GEORGETOWN – In a recent announcement to the Georgetown student body, a shivering Vice President of Student Affairs Todd Olson has effectively banned snowballs from the entire university. “Unfortunately, the campus community just cannot be trusted with the privilege to hurl snow at each other,” Olsen said while drinking a hot cocoa, “It just saddens […]

Girls Standing in Line to See “Fifty Shades of Grey” Agree that Porn is Gross

GEORGETOWN, DC – While standing in line to see the popular new film Fifty Shades of Grey, a local girl was overheard telling friends how disgusting pornography is. “Porn objectifies women, and it creates really unrealistic expectations for sex,” the girl stated loudly to friends also waiting to see the film, which is rated R […]


A Sexually Repressed Student Reviews Each Campaign Logo   Recently updated !

At The Heckler we realize how important the graphic designs of each campaign can be in influencing the perception of the various tickets amongst the student body, especially with such a large group of undecided and uninformed voters. While each ticket’s graphic design team had a specific feeling they attempted to capture in the logo, […]