Last night at the famed Institute of Peace, Diplomats, Model UN kids, and the baseball team gathered for what we at Georgetown call Dip Ball. Freshman nicotine fiend Bucky Smith bought his team tickets after taking a fat rip of his juul, thinking that Dip Ball was a celebration of chewing tobacco, if not a […]
Village B – Students were recently evicted from their top floor apartments after Vil B roof began to sulk about how hard its week had been. “I have three midterms this week and a load of homework, I just don’t know if I can keep it up,” it commented. Vil B’s residents claim to have […]
GEORGETOWN – With warm weather and the end of classes in sight, the hardworking and studious students at Georgetown are beginning to cheer up at the prospect of summer vacation. Especially George. Freshman George St. George has been seen whirring around Lau, spreading the good news and holiday cheer like a child before Christmas. When […]
GEORGETOWN – Spring, and love, were in the air last weekend when freshmen Henry Swayne and Jackie Schmidt set up a hammock on Copley Lawn and sexiled the entire campus. As is the tradition when warm weather sets in, students flocked to the lawn to toss disc and tan this past Saturday, only to find a sock […]
NEW SOUTH HALL – Friends of new couple Jack Rodgers and Donna Goodwin have called authorities to report a potentially dangerous situation developing. Due to the relationship’s hasty creation and the fact that the couple’s entire friend group is based on collectively living on the same floor, police chief Jay Gruber has advised all students to remain clear of New South […]
GEORGETOWN. Earlier today, the odor eliminating power of Febreze proved too weak to vanquish the smell Ryan Harrington (COL ‘20) has been ignorantly nursing and allowing to gain strength. Neighbors previously concerned for Ryan’s health and safety are now calling in expressing fear at whether this monstrous smell could ever be stopped. Despite claims of […]
COOPER FIELD, GEORGETOWN – At this week’s big soccer game, Jack the Bulldog made a statement on behalf of Georgetown and all that it stands for; he laid down. Jack, the university mascot, is known primarily for his presence at sports games and ability to stand on a moving skateboard. However, that changed when the […]
Georgetown – Early Friday morning, Hillary Clinton arrived on the campus which her husband once ran, and proceeded to ask a whole bunch of questions. Bill is a former resident of Harbin Hall and had made these streets his own territory for four solid years of sweet, sweet college romances. Hillary was found inspecting his old residence […]
If you’re like most well-meaning Americans, you’ve spent every morning since October 7th, 2016 replacing your morning shower with a close reading of 40-50 Wikileaked emails of John Podesta, chairman of the Clinton 2016 campaign. And, if you’re like most perceptive Americans, you’re starting to see some dots reveal themselves to you – formless, perturbing dots just begging to […]