Finance major, Derek Crewson (MSB ‘21) bemoans the loss of the Georgetown Basketball Team’s star player just like the rest of the university. However for Crewson, he is sad for a different reason than most. “He really made my girlfriend, Alexa (COL ‘23), so happy,” explained Crewson. “She is just naturally very attracted to dudes […]

Breaking news! Presidential hopeful and democratic frontrunner, Joe Biden, has tested positive for COVID-19.  This is what we are going to say when it happens. It’s just good journalism to have the news ready to print before it happens so you can be the ones to say it first. The Heckler prides itself in its […]

Note from the Editor in Chief: This story was anonymously slipped under the door of the Heckler office. It has been edited for some adult themes in order to comply with our third party offshore appropriateness advisory board, but the original sentiment and character of the story remain. Goddamn feta cheese and balsamic dressing! Us, […]

The soulful voice of Otis Redding is an American cultural treasure. Millions of people have found comfort and tranquility in his sultry singing. However, it has recently come to the attention of the vigilant Heckler Culture & Music staff that the classic tune, (Sittin’ On) the Dock of the Bay, is nothing but a censored […]

Dear Mankind, It is with great pleasure that we the sea turtles are in a position to grant the thirsty yet environmentally conscious humans a much deserved break from their heroism. Avoiding straws is tough, both for you and for us. We appreciate all of the hard work and that is why we have decided […]

“You told me everybody else would bring their spouses too,” hissed Bernice Stapleton (COL ’86), as saxophonist Jerrad Stapleton lead his wife into his old band room. Jerrad took a deep inhale, and smiled. “It smells just like it used to,” he said looking a bit too stimulated. Former Tubist Edd Armstrong (SFS ’86)  jealousy […]

“I was the most dominant center my middle school basketball league had even seen,” bragged former tall kid, Roy Hiddleson (SFS ‘21). Hiddleson now plays backup for a Georgetown intramural team. There are several examples of young players who were short, developed great ball handling, and then became exceptionally tall. See Kevin Durant or Anthony […]

Georgetown is known for its all-encompassing and ever-changing club scene. Recently, a new club formed, garnering a great deal of attention. Aquatic Badminton was founded by Jerry Nazareth (COL ‘21) with the aim of marrying his two passions, racquet sports and indoor swimming pools. “I was tired of being so dry during badminton,” explained Nazareth. […]

“It all felt like a normal day in Uncommon Grounds,” explained communist, Todd Boddson (COL ‘19), “until I saw the criminal behavior occurring on my favorite table.” A fellow Georgetown student had taken several textbooks, loose papers, a notebook, and her laptop and completely monopolized an entire table. Boddson typically hangs around Uncommon Grounds in […]