Bulldog Tavern This is the perfect place to cry while not being seen by a single member of the Georgetown community. This has the unintended benefit of showing every prospective student how poorly adjusted you are for college life.   The Maker Hub Don’t get me wrong, the Maker Hub is cool and […]

DARNALL — A dusty Darnall bookshelf was finally put to use recently as Adam Hitchcock (COL ‘23) arrived on move-in day with way more books than he was ever realistically gonna get through. While the sheer masculinity of removing the books from his suitcase and placing them on his bookcase certainly impressed his roommate’s parents, […]

HARBIN — Confused apprehension filled the halls of Harbin this weekend as freshman roommate pair Jack Archer (COL ‘23) and David Stenchman (SFS ‘23) reportedly got into a passive, yet heated discussion about the positioning of their beds. An anonymous source reports to The Heckler that, ignoring suggestions to simply bunk the beds, David really […]

    Green Book   The cool thing about Green Book was that my wife Jeanine and I got to watch the entire movie without interruption from our deranged neighbor. Honestly, throughout the film’s entire 2 hour 10 minute run-time our neighbor didn’t even make it to our front yard. Did I hear his blood-curdling […]

THE KITCHEN – Looks like Dad is at it again. According to trusted sources, including Sister, who was just downstairs, and this vent in the hall that kinda lets me hear what’s going on in the kitchen, Dad has successfully cornered the Renovation Man and now they’re talkin’ shop.   The Renovation Man arrived not […]

7. Westworld HBO’s Sci-Fi series Westworld brings up the rear of my list because frankly, I barely burnt my hand on the stove even once while I was watching it. At one point I accidentally grazed my hand on the smoldering hot stove as I was reeling in shock at the latest on-screen altercation, but I hardly noticed. A situation not […]

CAPE CANAVERAL – In an age of rapid, unprecedented technological advances, it can be easy for landmark discoveries by our nation’s leading scientists to get lost in the noise. Earlier today however, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) made an official announcement that is sure to set the scientific community, and society as a whole, on […]

OUTER SPACE – Following SpaceX’s momentous launch of the Falcon Heavy rocket this afternoon, local Martian Sator Throg announced to his friends that their Uber would be arriving in approximately one billion light years. “Ugh. I definitely thought about cancelling,” reported Throg, “but the Tesla roadster attached to Earth’s most powerful rocket ever launched was […]

WASHINGTON – Amidst a flood of analyses and news reports concerning President Trump’s State of the Union address last night, one particular perspective was published live from the event by its chairs, who succinctly concluded: “OUCH. Relief. OUCH. Relief.” “The night definitely had its ups and downs,” stated the report. “Each time they stood, it was a wave […]