It’s that time of year again! Sportscenter’s “Top 10” is about to include more slacks and walking than usual. Your acquaintances who’ve kept a good relationship with their father may start lecturing you on the merits of cracks of bats and fresh-cut grass. And our elderly and white ‘n’ scrawny communities, specifically those located in […]

GEORGETOWN – There was much outrage and ridicule from the Georgetown student body this past week, in response to an infographic published by CAPS that advised students to cope with their stress, depression, and anxiety by simply “STOPping” and proceeding with their day. Students roundly criticized this post, saying that it belittled their experiences with […]

¡Hola! Pues, esto es un cambio de aire apreciado. Este titular (y artículo (!)), están en español. ¿Por qué? ¡Por qué no!  Normalmente, nuestros artículos están escritos en inglés, pero creo que necesitamos incluir más contenido plurilingüe. ¿Sabía que hay escritores hispanohablantes en el Heckler?  Eso es todo. Solamente quería expresar este mensaje importante. Le […]

PENTAGON CITY, VA — Every year, the ridiculously shaped and aptly named Department of Defense headquarters draws tens of confused tourists looking for the Pentagon City Mall and dozens of military-industrial complex hopefuls to its spooky doors. No visitor was quite so moved as an unidentified man this Thursday who caused quite the ruckus.  “WTF! […]

SPOILER ALERT – Well folks, it finally happened. After years of coordinated social media campaigns, nerd rage has actually accomplished something. Streaming now on HBO Max, you can witness director Zack Snyder’s true, unfiltered vision of what 2017’s Justice League movie should have been, before the studio and Joss Whedon came in and ruined everything. […]

Huh, that’s weird. I just got the results back from the Georgetown Marriage Pact and it says I’m 100% compatible with… let me make sure I’m pronouncing this correctly… your mom? What are the chances! I don’t know Mrs. Brennan very well but it looks like we’d be perfect together. Let’s see… what did I […]

The COVID-19 pandemic has taken a heavy toll on the country’s artistic community. Shuttered venues and taped-off galleries have deprived artists and consumers alike of the joys of intimate, in-person artistic experiences.  Last week, the pandemic claimed its latest victim in the artistic world, forcing the cancellation of a long-awaited Georgetown University exhibition showcasing Lauinger […]

WASHINGTON, D.C.–After a long summer reckoning with racism and the most recent realization that Asian Americans are also people of color, white activists are once again calling themselves to action (because no one really asked them in the first place) to fight against systems they perpetuate daily.  Instagram Progressives and TikTok Leftists are reigniting their […]

A buzzer sounds. Sweat drips from a nose— a nose lower to the ground than all other noses on the court. Max Squatts, with his 5’6” frame, gave it all he had, but it just wasn’t enough. The Buzzer Beatniks, the clear underdogs of the Georgetown Intramural Basketball scene, have lost again— for the seventh […]

“Hej! Hjälp mig!”  I call out to the infinite streams of smiling customers constantly, but they are too awestruck and overstimulated by the impeccable environment of Scandinavian design and innovation to notice my predicament. A LOMMARP here, a KALKGRUND there–a blue glass SVARTSJÖN catches the eye and they’re off to the next fun-filled showroom.  Believe […]