CAPS OFFICE – Citing a desire to streamline their services for paying customers, the Counseling and Psychiatric Services announced the launch of a “Pay-to-Play” plan for priority students. An official statement on their website read they would be offering 24-hour, high quality service for those “who can put the money up right now”.   “At […]

TALLAHASSEE, FL – Citing a lack of respect from their female “BFFs” and the “rapid deterioration of men’s rights”, America’s self-described “Nice Guys” have officially started a boycott of women, unless, you know, they want to go out for dinner tonight. The surprising move reportedly came from the Nice Guys after a long, heated exchange over […]

In my line of work, I have seen all sorts of homes, but nothing grinds my gears as much as when I steal from someone who takes from the Earth without thinking to give back. Do you not know about the environmental catastrophe that we are creating for ourselves, or are you just blissfully apathetic […]

CLEVELAND – Citing his father’s poor credit record and series of late payments, Benjamin Fischer (MSB ‘17) foreclosed on his family’s home this Thursday morning, issuing a statement on the importance of maintaining a steady revenue stream. “Even though this is the home where I grew up and had my most formative experiences, my dad […]

Our next installment of Stories at Georgetown. The series will follow a diverse variety of Hoyas as they show you around the Hilltop and demonstrate why the Georgetown experience is unlike any other. Today, you’ll meet Tara Fisher (COL ’16), who missed her first three years due to medical leave.

Holladay, Ut – Many in the Republican establishment are concerned that Governor Mitt Romney, the party’s presidential nominee in 2012, is no longer responding to emails. This sudden lack of communication from the former governor of Massachusets comes as many in party leadership are dissatisfied with the current slate of presidential candidates.   “We tried sending […]

HOLLYWOOD, CA – In a move that critics have been quick to call desperate, the newly relocated St. Louis Rams accepted a job waiting tables in Los Angeles’s most iconic neighborhood while waiting on their professional football career to take off. “We want to emphasize that we’ll only be working at The Hungry Cat until […]

WHITE GRAVENOR – After over a decade-long epic battle, an era has come to and end this Sunday as the Jan Karski statue reluctantly conceded its game of chess, which started in 2002, pitting the statue in a confrontation with the elements and drunken passersby.   The first unexpected turn in the match came in […]

  US Catholic Bishops have taken a not-so-subtle stance with Donald Trump after the Pope and the real estate mogul exchanged blows this week.

  NEW SOUTH—As election night nears its close, go-getting freshmen are frantically hitching onto the one ticket they find viable enough to kiss up to. “I know a lot of students are apathetic towards GUSA, but many freshmen like myself depend on nights like tonight to help put that 12th club credit on our résumé,” commented […]