GEORGETOWN – In a recent announcement to the Georgetown student body, a shivering Vice President of Student Affairs Todd Olson has effectively banned snowballs from the entire university. “Unfortunately, the campus community just cannot be trusted with the privilege to hurl snow at each other,” Olsen said while drinking a hot cocoa, “It just saddens […]
GEORGETOWN, DC – While standing in line to see the popular new film Fifty Shades of Grey, a local girl was overheard telling friends how disgusting pornography is. “Porn objectifies women, and it creates really unrealistic expectations for sex,” the girl stated loudly to friends also waiting to see the film, which is rated R […]
At The Heckler we realize how important the graphic designs of each campaign can be in influencing the perception of the various tickets amongst the student body, especially with such a large group of undecided and uninformed voters. While each ticket’s graphic design team had a specific feeling they attempted to capture in the logo, […]
LEAVEY CENTER – Despite its failure to release a legitimate platform or budget, both Vox and The Hoya straw polls indicate that the Regret ticket is currently the frontrunner to win the 2015 GUSA executive election. Garnering support primarily from self-described “students not following the race,” the Regret ticket has skyrocketed to popularity following […]
Recognizing the vital role that satire plays in the conduct of student affairs, the Georgetown Heckler is proud to announce that it is formally withdrawing its endorsement of the Luther-Rohan ticket and is instead endorsing the Chris and Meredith ticket for the GUSA executive 2015 election. Redefining just how poignant political satire can be […]
Humbert reflects on the tenderness of life, and the soft, forbidden sweetness of a young boy’s cheek Were there other films before this? There were; of course there were. I was late in arriving to the theatre (traffic, lightning), and not in the most generous of spirits when the house lights gave way […]
HFSC — A last-minute confession of employment as an airline steward from GUSA hopeful Joe Luther (COL ’16) has thrown the election into turmoil. “I feel as though I must be completely transparent with the public,” said Luther. “For the past two and a half years I have globe-trotted the world, providing assorted refreshments […]
DARNALL HALL – In an act of complete disregard for the future of the university, Sam Hamilton (COL ’18) has reportedly refused to make a customary GUSA Facebook profile picture change. Hamilton’s roommate, Alex Torrence (SFS ’18), expressed disdain for Hamilton’s political ignorance. “I would consider myself a political junkie, and I guess I […]
RED SQUARE – In a last-minute deviation from their traditional condomgram campaign, H*yas for Choice has begun distributing “NuvaRing Grams” to promote safe sex this Valentine’s Day. Despite their rigorous promotion of “condomgrams,” in which individuals can purchase condoms for their friends, significant others, and potential sexual partners to be posted on their doors […]
Dear Sophomore Alone On Valentine’s Day, I feel like I’ve hit the Sophomore Slump that everyone talks about, and I’ve been really homesick lately. Any advice on how to get through the rest of the semester? It’s gonna be a total Galentine’s Day this year. We’ll have to take some super cute pics of us […]