In a celebrated move that offers more flexibility to humanities majors, Georgetown College of Arts and Sciences Dean Dr. Jonathan Benson announced this week that the college will begin offering a new “Thoughts, Feelings, and Ideas” (TFI) major. “This is a huge step forward for Georgetown,” said Dr. Benson during Thursday’s press conference. “The majors […]
Photo via Huffington Post 36th STREET– In a miraculous turn of events sure to be retold for years to come, Andrew Watkins (COL ’16) rose from the floor of his townhouse this morning for the first time after slipping into an alcohol-induced coma three days earlier. According to eye-witness reports, Watkins hosted a party in […]
In an attempt to attract a younger, hipper applicant demographic, Georgetown University has replaced every S on campus with a Z. Assistant Director of Applicant Affairs Marilee Hardy, spoke about the new policy in an exclusive interview with The Heckler. “College ztudentz are a changing breed,” said Hardy, “and we at Georgetown have alwayz made […]
In an unexpected turn of events, a wealthy international student purchased all the tickets for GPB’s Chainsmokers concert within the first minute. “When I smoke I usually go outside Lau, but I’m often alone. When I heard Chainsmokers were coming to town, and they were cool enough for people to pay to hang […]
Photo credit: Drexel University Scientists from the United States Center for Apathy Studies reported earlier this week that the transition between post-spring break slump and pre-Easter break slump was unusually smooth this year. “We are pleased to report that this transition went off even better than we originally projected,” said Kevin Lestrom, lead investigator […]
To The Heckler readership and the Georgetown community, There have been whispers around campus regarding the direction that The Heckler has taken since the recent GUSA election. Some have called into question the legitimacy of our content regarding certain members of the university administration. Though the vast silent majority of our readership has enjoyed […]
For immediate release: The Heckler has no comment concerning the recent questions raised about our leadership. We remain dedicated to the comedic spirit of Georgetown and the immortal magnificence of Dr. Olson. Please refrain from further investigation, everything is under control.
Privileged show whales complain about jumping for treats I was tricked into seeing this movie after a friend told me that it was “troubling” and “painful to watch.” The only thing that I found troubling about Blackfish was the uppity hype surrounding it. SPOILER ALERT: the whales are never even tortured that badly, though […]
LEAVEY – Dr. Todd Olson, Vice President of Student Affairs, once again had to explain to a star-struck prospective student that he is not, in fact, the famous Hollywood actor and Georgetown alum Bradley Cooper (COL ’97). “Ha! No, I’m not the ‘Coop, but I get that all the time,” Dr. Olson told the […]
Early in the morning of March 28th, Republican Senator Tom Cotton (R-AR) received a text from the official phone number of the Iranian Clerical Leadership. The text was simply a sunglasses emoji. Many in Washington are speculating as to what exactly the Geopolitical implications are of this correspondence. Some insist that it details a […]