Ancient Mayan Calendar Predicts Date When It Will All Be “NSOver”
By Anderson Mini-Cooper | October 19, 2014
LEAVEY CENTER — As a full moon approaches at the end of the month, Mesoamerican long count calendars warn that soon the world will reach the date of the apocalypse. Recovered artifacts suggest that the Mayan people may have predicted the ultimate day of the earth’s existence or, as Georgetown University Department of Archaeology […]
Freshman Pre-med Student Sighted Not Studying
By D. Joya | October 18, 2014
VCW – In a rare occurrence this semester, freshman pre-med student Joe Chang (COL ’18) took a break from his studies to leave his Village C West dorm room. According to floor-mates who were “stunned” from the shock of seeing him in a context other than studying for the first time, Chang stepped out from […]
Freshman Scores ‘Major Points’ with Cute Girl Who Asks if Chair at Leo’s is Being Used
By The Professor | October 17, 2014
LEO’S — Freshman Ethan White (MSB ’18) reportedly scored “major points” with fellow first year Tina Cohen (NHS, ’18) on Tuesday night, after he told her that the empty chair at his Leo’s table was “all her’s” to take. White, sitting with two friends, was describing a “sweet care package” he had just received from […]
Potomac River Monsters Devours Crew Team
By Mr. E. Mann | October 17, 2014
POTOMAC RIVER — Unconfirmed reports have emerged that the Georgetown Men’s Heavy Weight Crew Team was eaten early this morning in the Potomac River. Speculation began to increase after the team failed to return to the boathouse at 7 am. Unverified reports have come to forward to say that the men’s team was devoured by […]
Why did we come to Georgetown…?
By Ed Nonymous | October 17, 2014
https://www.facebook.com/Georgetownheckler
Only Person in Freshman Dorm Who Isn’t Sick Has “Never Felt More Excluded”
By Regina Phalange | October 16, 2014
NEW SOUTH – As the temperature has started to drop and the unhygienic conditions of dorm life are taking their toll, the lone healthy freshman in all of New South, Chris Sullivan (MSB ’18), told reporters he has felt considerably more left out as everyone he knows has begun complaining about being sick. Earlier this week in the […]
Senior Declares Jeter-style “Farewell Tour,” Demands Gifts from Professors Despite Decline in Performance
By Brick | October 16, 2014
ICC 107 — After three years of rampant speculation, New Jersey native Jeff Richards (COL, 15) declared that his senior year at Georgetown will be his final one. “It’s just time to hang up the backpack,” said Richards, out loud, during his Econ lecture. The senior, however, made it clear that he would be expecting […]