GEORGETOWN- In a move that has left students both excited and deeply confused Georgetown’s Office of Transportation Management has announced a new GUTS Bus to Nowhere. The new line will leave from Dahlgren Chapel on the 42nd minute of every other hour, taking passengers down to the Lincoln Memorial, through Anacostia, past the Chinatown Fuddruckers, […]

To all Georgetown Students, I hope you all had a fun and relaxing St. Patrick’s Day. It is a time of year where, whether we posses the proper ancestry or not, we all celebrate Irish heritage. While we at the university understand that the consuming of alcoholic beverages is a regular feature of this holiday […]

Just a few weeks after St. Patrick’s Day, Georgetown Program Board President Andy Griffen (COL ’13) announced that the organization has officially disbanded after trying beer for the first time. The group was found completely wasted in Burleith Saturday afternoon with half a beer each hidden in the water bottles frequently awarded as movie-trivia prizes. […]

MSB junior Igo N. Flator was sworn in Monday to the new GUSA cabinet under President Nate Tisa and Vice President Adam Ramadan in a new role, that of professional ego-stroker. “Sometimes, when you’re feeling blue, you need somebody to remind you that you’re the second-ever openly gay student body president of a Jesuit university,” […]

Georgetown’s regularly scheduled midterm-induced panic is in full swing, and nobody is feeling the burn more than the soon-graduating seniors, for whom this is the last go-round. While the average college student is faced with relatively easy questions come midterms season (e.g., what are my classes again?), the second-semester senior is its own brand of […]

Greetings, readers! This is your semi-dazed editor here with an informative and indecent guide to March Madness. You all know that there are two kinds of March Madness: enthusiasm for the NCAA men’s basketball championship on the one hand, and on the other, a very specific seasonal affective disorder for people who really hate St. […]

Since I’ve returned from my semester abroad, people often ask me things like, “John, did Europe change you?” or “John, are you still the same dude that you were before?” These, of course, are reasonable questions. After all, Europe is a place filled with remarkable cultures and storied histories; it’s not surprising that one might […]

The Catholic: You will need: Willingness to commit sacrilege Other ingredients First, you want to take your sacramental wafers and cut them into thin strips. Pour a bowl of these into water heated with fire and brimstone. Be careful not to let them be still, as sloth is a sin; wait until your church enters […]

Greetings, semi-valued readers and cheap-laugh enthusiasts. You all probably know that the election for GUSA president is coming up soon on some date we haven’t bothered to learn.  Now plenty of so-called “established” sources have already given their endorsements, from the current GUSA President to the cool Jesuits to the Stir Fry station workers. But […]

The following conversation between David Axelrod and Barack Obama was overheard by The Heckler’s hidden White House microphone. Yes, David, I’m all ready for the inauguration tomorrow. We already did the official swearing in today, this is just for the public. Roberts has his lines down for once, so it all should go smoothly. Oh, […]