Dear Georgetown Community, I hope you are all faring well. I am reaching out today to open up a dialogue on a topic I have long struggled with but feel is necessary to insert into the university’s discourse— my hatred of the troops. Below is a five-point explanation (and one supplemental factor) for my hatred […]

Today, the Heckler must take a step back to honor one of the greats. We are, of course, referring to the tragic passing of Wheezy the Penguin this weekend. We all know about Wheezy’s unfortunate medical condition— discussed at length in the documentary Toy Story 2—  but some claim this was still a preventable loss. […]

You are not alone. The COVID-19 pandemic has had a significant impact on everyone in our Georgetown community. In recognition of these difficult times, we want to make sure all students know about our well-being resources accessible to Georgetown students who are able to squeeze their diverse mental health needs into one of our neatly-defined […]

In a public statement first reported by Financial Times, CNBC, and dozens of awestruck and concerned onlookers this Wednesday, Domino’s Pizza CEO Richard E. Allison, Jr. shocked tasteless, tight-fisted pizza lovers globally. Allison and other top executives delivered the following address from the front steps of the original Domino’s location in Ypsilanti, Michigan: “Thank you […]

A few years ago I couldn’t have picked one out of a crowd, But now? They’re everywhere! They’ve infiltrated every part of civilized life and it seems like we’re helpless to stop them. What happened to our once great civilization? How have we succumbed to this utterly confusing bunch of low-lifes? I thought us much, […]

Move over, Harry Potter and Twilight! Lines stretch around movie theaters all across the country this week as Half-Bloods line up in anticipation of the premiere of Percy Jackson & The Olympians. The film is set to release this Thursday, August 7, 2013. We know that this five-part film series will be the new Harry […]

MARYLAND COLONY – Bishop John Carroll of the Maryland Colony hath paid in hand seventy-five pounds current money to Colonel William Deakins, Jr. for a plot of land which previously lay barren. Blessed by the Lord, the good bishop encountered this unoccupied territory, devoid both of people and prior historie, and pledged himself to the […]

We here at the Heckler consider ourselves erudite folk, and we take pride in being well-read in all the great classics of world literature. Something we have noticed, however, is that the ending lines of some of those novels have been complete snoozefests. So, we have taken the liberty of improving the closing lines of […]