BURLEITH – Woe is me! Each day a new suffering spews forth from an evergreen font of toil, burdening my weary shoulders. Ouch! Ouch, I say! I am burdened with pains unworldly upon my battle-maimed back. A shocking series of tortures has left my mind in disarray; my inner sanctum invaded by the soldiers of […]

GEORGETOWN – The glass office windows of the third floor of the Edward B. Bunn Intercultural Center (ICC) boast portraits of high-profile speakers, ranging from presidents to authors, diplomats to actors, and everything in between, even including some that aren’t currently being investigated by the Hague.  Mark Thomas (SFS ‘22), a student of International Politics, […]

When Caroline Maudsley (SFS ‘23) decided to jet off to France for a semester abroad, she knew that her relationship with Sawyer Flanagan (COL ‘24) would certainly need some “spice” in order to last.  “Well, it started off as you would expect” noted Maudsley. “When you’re, you know, 4000 miles away from one another, you […]

Greetings, reader! In this piece, we’re going to tell you a bit about Robert Groves’ careerrrrrrrrgbigrrtgedeinf— Oh man, sorry—I dozed off there for a second. Where were we?  Oh, right! The illustrious career of Robert Grovessssssssfdfeeffdfddddfdffeeeeeffffeffferrr— Huh…? Oh, my goodness! I’m so sorry for snoozing. This topic is just so uninteresting; it’s hard to keep […]

Hey, The Hoya. Listen, champ, why don’t you have a seat? I know you don’t really want to talk to me, but I talked with your mother and she thinks it’s important that we have a talk. Or, how about we get out the baseball gloves and have a catch? No? OK then, we can […]

Cara Montez-Jones (SFS ‘23) is KILLING it right now with her political takes! In response to the news of the horrific Texas abortion ban, as she has for many causes before, Cara took to her Instagram story to decry the move and the people that made it. Cara, a Connecticut native, had lots to share.  […]

We at the Heckler happily condone students organizing for abolition, protesting the Georgetown overlords, and keeping themselves safe on campus by any means necessary. We also think that you should be able to have some creative, safe fun while you resist GUPD’s unwelcome presence. Here are six easy ways to do so!  Walk very, very […]

Hoya Saxa! We are proud to announce that we are consolidating all of the programs and resource centers for students who do not fit our standard (i.e., most visible and lucrative) demographic into the basement of New South Hall. The basement is now to be renamed the “You Are Different Than Us Memorial Basement” in […]

Seeking treatment for his intense, anxiety-induced sleep deprivation, Michael Morris (COL’25) was shocked to hear CAPS’ half-baked solution to his pressing health needs. “Listen, kid,” muttered an LCSW in between drags of a cigarette. “I’m at fucking rock bottom here. There was once a time where kids would just bottle up their depression and anxiety […]