LAU 2– Sophomore Madeline Schmidt (SFS ’17) was reportedly seen Monday night on the second floor of Lauinger Library cramming for Tuesday’s midterm elections. Schmidt said she was “gonna get around real soon” to researching Tom Cotton’s monetary policy after “a quick Facebook sesh” and that she was trying to begin understanding the implications of the Hobby Lobby case for this year’s election […]

RED SQUARE — ICC 218 overflowed with students on Tuesday night, gathered to attend the first Islamic State in the Levant-U interest meeting of the semester and share refreshments provided by the fledgling club. ISIL-U, a new network of college-level ISIL chapters, had ordered pizza for 60 attendees – which ended up being a vast […]

WALSH – Citing widespread crop failures, Jeffrey Collins (SFS ’17) allegedly asked Professor Ephraim Mizrahi to be excused from his midterm on Thursday morning in Introduction to Biblical Literature.   Collins wrote in an email to his professor that “the wrath of the almighty has swept down upon me and left the fields a barren […]

LAU — Calling it a “huge blown opportunity”, sophomore Jason Wells (COL ’17) forgot to tell his peers about spending last Saturday afternoon in Lauinger Library. Wells said he is “really upset” that he missed “such a great opportunity” to feign self-discipline and commitment to academics to his peers.   “The amount of pity I could […]

PROSPECT STREET —  Sophomore Jonah Andrews reported this Sunday that dressing up for Halloween as South Korean pop star Psy for the third year in a row did not earn him the respect and admiration that it had the past two years. Andrews first dressed as Psy in 2012, after the release of the hit […]

HEALY CIRCLE – Following the conclusion of the Homecoming festivities early last week, an overwhelming portion of the class of 2014 has reportedly not left campus.Members of the class of 2014 have been seen loitering around school buildings, sleeping in dorm common rooms and even attempting to attend classes. “We get this kind of thing […]

REISS – According to new sources, Georgetown’s many teaching assistants are again planning to attend the Annual TA Conference, or ATAC for short, this weekend. The excitement in the planning room was palpable.The Annual TA Conference’s newsletter, Unqualified Quarterly, describes their mission to, “foster confusion, uphold incompetency, and promote frustration in the name of subpar […]

HEALY HALL — In its latest press release, the Georgetown administration announced that construction on new buildings is proceeding behind schedule as planned, with work on track to meet none of the requirements of the anticipated 2020 Campus Plan. Though the new Campus Plan has yet to be announced University Spokesperson Stacey Kerr told the […]