PYONGYANG — Following the limited release of Sony’s “The Interview” on Wednesday,  thousands of demonstrators have reportedly taken to the streets in the capitol of the world’s most isolated nation furious that Hollywood green lighted another insufferable comedy featuring a bromance between two likable but perpetually immature leads. “How could my dear leader let such […]

HAGERSTOWN, MD — Saying they could “never fully understand” what a transformative experience going to a University such as Georgetown has had on his growth as a person, Freshman Harrison Clement (SFS ’18) reported that none of his friends were in a position to appreciate what going to college at Georgetown was like. “It’s just […]

NEW BEDFORD, MA — Returning to her Massachusetts home Sunday night after spending the previous five months studying abroad in Paris, France, Junior Celia Alves (SFS ’16) told reporters that she could not have been more happy to be back in her “safe space.” “Studying abroad in Paris was eye opening and a cultural whirlwind […]

HEALY HALL — Telling reporters it was “a real stress relief” to have his fellow 7,636 campus-mates departed from the shared University grounds for the holiday break, President John DeGioia was spotted Sunday walking around Healy without wearing suit pants. “I love having the students and faculty here to engage in such a diverse forum […]

IAC CONSTRUCTION SITE – As the 2014-15 season kicks into high gear for the Hoyas Men’s Basketball team, questions about their ability to meet fan’s ever diminishing expectations are coming into focus.   President DeGioia maintains that Head Coach John Thompson III’s job is secure this season, and expressed his confidence in JT III at […]

BALTIMORE, MD – With a growing list of sexual assault allegations piling against him, Bill Cosby’s lawyer announced Friday that he has signed with the Baltimore Ravens.   “We are looking forward to what Bill Cosby brings to our organization,” the Ravens announced in an official statement. “With the loss of Ray Rice earlier this […]

SANTA’S WORKSHOP – Christmas plans for billions of people around the globe were put in jeopardy yesterday after Russian President Vladimir Putin invaded the North Pole. The precipitating cause of the crisis appears to be Santa Claus’ recent decision to put Putin on the naughty list. “I gave Putin every opportunity to clean up his […]

WHITE GRAVENOR- 65 year old student Joe Tucci (COL ‘17) arrived to class last week proud of his Psychology term paper on schizophrenia. Not only was this veteran of Vietnam and the Carter administration proud of his critical analysis but he beamed as he proudly stated he had typed it. On a computer. “Coming back to […]

LEAVEY CENTER – Realizing the need for accessible contraceptives on campus, Georgetown University administration will now give free cargo shorts as an indirect way for its students to prevent STD’s and unwanted pregnancies. Cargo shorts were originally created in 1934 by the Mussolini regime in Italy as a population suppressant. Engineers called the prototype “Pantaloni Astinenza”, […]