The Caravel, nobody reads it, it’s a shame someone has to write it The 4 Expendable Movies, if I wanted to see a bunch of men try to be as masculine and not gay for each other at the same time I’d watch John DiGoia introduce Bob Groves at convocation Fish Friday at Leo’s, see: […]

After final grades were submitted, we asked professors to send us the papers that made them shake their heads and contemplate why they spend so much time and money on getting a PhD. These are some of our top picks: ECON 341: Nunya’s Law and Why It’s None of Your Business The Male Gays: How […]

“I did NOT have textual relations with that INTERNational publication,” claimed former Editor-in-Chief Alfred Conlkling Coxe, Jr. as he was escorted from The Heckler’s secret headquarters on Friday, December 17. Coxe has been accused of treason by an anonymous whistleblower who hacked into his Google Calendar, where they found an event labeled “The Caraval: Interest […]

People (Michael Barbaro) keep saying Washington is more polarized than ever. What is the reason for this divide, you might ask? Answer: the psychosocial division between its college students, or what sociologists are calling the “Hilltop and Foggybottom Divide.” Take the quiz below to find out which side of the aisle you stand on! 1. […]

In an unsatisfactory anti-climax of the semester, the Georgetown University Never Orgasmed Club (GUNOC) is having trouble reaching completion of any membership whatsoever. “We’re so close,” said president Hunter Toggin, “but we just can’t seem to get there.” Sophomore Harry Jingle said that he was very close to showing up to a meeting. “I almost […]

“That’s better,” Professor Mills-Newhouse says as he takes off his mask after asking the student in the back of the classroom to repeat an incorrect answer for the fourth time. He emphatically nods his head despite still not being able to hear Heather’s hot take and promptly wipes his nose with his hand that he […]

We don’t want to do this. But, in the name of journalistic integrity and all that we at the Heckler hold dear, we must.  There was a time when the New England Classic was like a brother to us. There was a time when we stood, arm in arm, athwart the tide of untruth, moral […]

You’re getting noticed, LinkedIn Member! Your profile appeared in search results 6 times between March 30 and April 6. Way to go! Did you know that millions of members use Premium, including people in your network? Even though you aren’t a Premium member, let’s find out who’s viewed your profile and why.  Large Financial Institution […]

Following last week’s announcement of the Fall 2021-Spring 2022 tuition rates, the Office of the Provost found itself in hot water over a newly added line item– a $101 fee labeled “Bobby’s Trampoline Office.” Though previous communications to the undergraduate student body had indicated the elimination of separate student fees– including Yates field house fees, […]

CAIRO – On Thursday, a team of archaeologists uncovered what is likely the largest archaeological discovery of 2020 in the necropolis of Saqqara. In the televised press conference later that day, lead archaeologist Dr. Ned Finkenbiner announced his elevated heart rate and the discovery of 100 painted coffins in Saqqara, funerary masks, and canopic jars. […]