Concerned White Ally Joins Anti-ICE Walkout On Behalf of Family’s Cleaning Lady
By Antipope Innocent III
Hundreds of residents in Northwest D.C. hit the streets in protest of ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) actions. Amidst the kidnappings, murders, and violation of immigrants’ human rights, many white Americans decided to show their solidarity to their beloved immigrant communities. One Heckler reporter interviewed protestors on the scene. Joe P. (Age 22), wearing a […]
Vatican Express-Writes 34 Permits for “Boy Aquarium” Construction, Orders 50,000 Pounds of Chlorine Instead of Hockey Sticks
By Mary Oliver Twist, ɎV₦₲ JØ₴ⱧɄ₳
When you think of a Papal Audience, the last two words that probably come to mind are “Boy Aquarium.” But last week, Pope Leo, in his worsening English, stumbling through his statement, told us to expect the unexpected. The Heckler’s initial reaction: “I guess a hockey rink would be pretty funny in the Vatican.” Due […]
The Unforeseen Dangers of AI: Wife and Children Gone; Goodbye Note Clearly Written by ChatGPT.
By Associated Press NewsWire
My wife and kids are gone and all I have left is this shitty goodbye letter that was obviously produced by ChatGPT. When I woke up to find that my wife had taken my two children and fled into the night, I wasn’t just surprised; I was disappointed:“Here’s the heartfelt and concise letter you asked […]
14 Dead, 20 Injured, Countless Traumatized: Joint Tombs Night of Two Hecklers Got Real Wild When I.M. Randy Showed Up
By Duchess Barbara Knittingford of Hartford, CT, Ranth Rue
This past Friday was no regular Friday for two Hecklers, Ranth Rue and Rufus Wheeler Peckham. But no one knew how abnormal it would become. The two Hecklers, intending to rejoice in the lead-up to their 21st, had their plans wildly disrupted when a third Heckler, I.M. Randy, arrived at the function. Randy barreled through […]
Five Best Rope Knots for When You Call Someone Your “Best Friend” and They Call You Their “Good Friend”
By U.S. Senator Mike Crapo R-ID
We’ve all been there: You’re walking with a friend of yours—one you might even say is your “best friend”—and when you two run into Professor Grimm, who asks how you know each other, you each simultaneously give two different answers. Two answers that differ in letter by only one word but differ in spirit by […]
BREAKING: Dylan Partner Spotted on the Grassy Knoll
By Duchess Barbara Knittingford of Hartford, CT, ChatCBT
Witnesses report seeing Dylan Partner, 22, at the Grassy Knoll at 12:31 this past Friday, November 22, 1963. Reports state he was seemingly calm, lounging with an umbrella under the Texan sun. However, this is where the clarity ends, as conflicting accounts attest he was either skipping and humming away from the scene after the […]