Teachers Permitted to Carry Guns for Use on Children Who Scream When Lights Go Out
By Tippi Feathers
FLINT, MICHIGAN—Susan Sarandon, 37, has been “educating jits” in elementary school for 15 years. But she’s never seen such a sharp career turn as last week’s policy, which fundamentally altered her role in the classroom. Sarandon now stores a glock and seven cartridges—one for each day of the week—in her desk.
Right to Life Offers Free Thumbtacks to Counter H*yas for Choice Free Condoms
By Mary Oliver Twist
RED SQUARE – SUNRISE Witnessed from a White Gravenor bush with a pair of binoculars and a battle bucket, the following events are 100% true. Kenny Hasbro (CAS ‘30), horny beyond his years, approaching the H*yas for Choice table, reaches for a classic blue Trojan. In the corner of his eye, he catches the glint […]
Vatican Express-Writes 34 Permits for “Boy Aquarium” Construction, Orders 50,000 Pounds of Chlorine Instead of Hockey Sticks
By Mary Oliver Twist, ɎV₦₲ JØ₴ⱧɄ₳
When you think of a Papal Audience, the last two words that probably come to mind are “Boy Aquarium.” But last week, Pope Leo, in his worsening English, stumbling through his statement, told us to expect the unexpected. The Heckler’s initial reaction: “I guess a hockey rink would be pretty funny in the Vatican.” Due […]
The Unforeseen Dangers of AI: Wife and Children Gone; Goodbye Note Clearly Written by ChatGPT.
By Associated Press NewsWire
My wife and kids are gone and all I have left is this shitty goodbye letter that was obviously produced by ChatGPT. When I woke up to find that my wife had taken my two children and fled into the night, I wasn’t just surprised; I was disappointed:“Here’s the heartfelt and concise letter you asked […]
