MSB junior Igo N. Flator was sworn in Monday to the new GUSA cabinet under President Nate Tisa and Vice President Adam Ramadan in a new role, that of professional ego-stroker. “Sometimes, when you’re feeling blue, you need somebody to remind you that you’re the second-ever openly gay student body president of a Jesuit university,” […]
Georgetown’s regularly scheduled midterm-induced panic is in full swing, and nobody is feeling the burn more than the soon-graduating seniors, for whom this is the last go-round. While the average college student is faced with relatively easy questions come midterms season (e.g., what are my classes again?), the second-semester senior is its own brand of […]
The Catholic: You will need: Willingness to commit sacrilege Other ingredients First, you want to take your sacramental wafers and cut them into thin strips. Pour a bowl of these into water heated with fire and brimstone. Be careful not to let them be still, as sloth is a sin; wait until your church enters […]
The application process for Resident Assistants is officially over, marking the end of the most lighthearted and bitter fight to the death seen on campus since last year’s process. The system, which managed to be both cheerfully quirky and sadistically cutthroat simultaneously, will be used as judgment to select next year’s crop of resident assistants. […]
Shocking reports continue to emerge regarding the student body at large, which has some how managed to not get drunk over Thanksgiving, during exams, or on most weekdays. The sobriety, which is a break from the normal 24/7 drinking that students partake in with only brief pauses to attend class, marks the first time in […]
An announcement coming out of the Leo J. O’Donovan Dining Hall is ruffling many feathers on campus, declaring that the only food to be served during will be chilled dishes, just because. The announcement, which forbids eating any foods made at the Wok, Pasta Bar, Bistro, or Diner, although such foods will be shown behind […]
The university has entered a state of mourning following pop sensation Bono’s recent visit to campus, during which a student allegedly saw the star without his trademark shades and was quickly dispatched. The lead singer of U2 was seen ducking out of a far corner of Healy where the asphyxiated student was later found. When […]
Citing a need to “establish supremacy, once and for all,” the Georgetown Chimes and Capitol G’s, two all-male a cappella groups, will co-host a no-holds-barred fist fight to determine which group has greater skill. The Capitol G’s, who challenged the Chimes to the fight, have been preparing extensively for the match, practicing fight shanties into […]
The online community is reeling following the death of two Americans and injury of five others in an unproductive Facebook discussion about Israel’s conflict with Hamas. The discussion is the third such incident of the past few weeks, officially summarized as the Israeli idiot-Palestinian idiot conflict. The attack, which saw an Israeli photo-bomb dropped on […]
Conflicting reports emerging from the fourth-floor New South apartment of Fr. Christopher Steck, S.J., indicate that Jack the Bulldog, mascot of Georgetown University, is unsure if and what sexual innuendo is behind his favorite command to “EAT THAT BOX.” Jack himself recently gave a public statement on this issue. “Woof woof, bark bark bark, woof […]