HENLE — According to University officials, a minotaur has taken up residence in the labyrinth outside Henle Village over this past weekend. “I was raised in a labyrinth back home in Crete and just don’t feel at home living anywhere else” said the man-bull hybrid in an interview with The Heckler. “Then I stumbled […]
NEVILS — “It was ruining everything. I was becoming alienated from my freshman roommate, I hated checking my phone, and it just really shows how selfish Jessica is,” said Chelsea Frampton (MSB ‘17). Reports having been brewing amongst confidential sources for the Georgetown Heckler for some time but last Thursday numerous credible sources confirmed […]
LAU 2—Citing the injustice of the On-Campus Requirement for the sophomore class, roommates Dino Liu (SFS 17) and Michael Han (COL 17) decided to adopt a child together. Han, the individual behind this idea to exploit the loophole allowing students to live with dependents off campus stated to reporters “babies probably don’t eat much because […]
GELARDIN — A new version of Tinder, Wealther, released exclusively at Georgetown matches students based on family assets. Instead of having a Facebook profile picture shown on screen, this new Wealther app has an asset profile listed on screen. The creators of the app believe this version will be “less invasive” and “promote more […]
NEW SOUTH — After a Saturday night that could only be described as “crazy wild” by New South 2 member Johnny Fernandez (COL ’18), his drunken hangover has transitioned to uneasy feelings about the red lace thong that has reportedly been lying in the hallway for approximately 75 hours. “My friends and I had […]
ICC — The latest opportunity for students looking to broaden their horizons this summer comes from Georgetown Office of Fellowships, Awards and Resources (“GOFAR”). The Slacker’s Grant will be awarded to one rising senior who plans to do absolutely nothing productive over the next summer. “We have identified a large group of students that […]
Dear Members of the Georgetown University Community, Please be advised that on Monday, November 10, 2014, at approximately 6:00 p.m., a student reported to the Georgetown University Police Department (GUPD) and Metropolitan Police Department (MPD) that between Sunday November 9, 2014 at 11:00 p.m and Monday, November 10, 2014 5:00 p.m. an unidentified U-Boat sank an unattended Allied merchant ship in […]
WHITE-GRAVENOR — Following pre-registration, Senior Diana Sims (SFS, ’15) says she “can’t wait” for the opportunity to read Buzzfeed during a class taught by the Distinguished Professor of Diplomacy and former Secretary of State, Madeleine K. Albright. “I’m a senior, and I’ve been trying to get into this course for a while now,” said Sims. […]
GASTON — Telling reporters that the event would be rescheduled following renovations to improve Gaston Hall Stage’s structural integrity, Lecture Fund President Georgio Perry (SFS ’15) announced Thursday that the upcoming lecture by an 850-Ton Engine is cancelled until further notice. “If Gaston can’t handle 1,700,000 lbs. of steam turbine power, then so be it,” […]