As Saturday night came to a close, many Hoyas retreated from the Vil A rooftops after a night fraught with regrettable behavior. Sophomore Eugene Hicks (COL ‘22) was chief amongst this group, because he really shit the bed. Soon after he arrived, Samantha Jennings (NHS ‘22) recognized Hicks from her economics class, and asked for […]

THURSDAY EVENING – Cabaret, the yearly musical extravaganza, took place at the U Street Music Hall yesterday. The lineup featured plenty of bright, young things, screlting their hearts out with a jazzy, bouncy back-up band to boot. It’s comforting to know we have such flouncy youth at Georgetown, eager to sing and dance for all […]

Remember that photo you drunkenly took last Friday night? Do you think you had the right to post it on social media? Well you’re wrong. John Carroll— a stubborn old man— has, for centuries, refused to sign a photo release, and now it’s paying off huge for him. That’s right. He’s taking YOU to court, […]

If you’ve ever been concerned about the pedigree of your local water fountain, look no further. Here are six iconic Georgetown (main campus) water fountains ranked by brand, water quality, water pressure, aesthetic, and how close they are to Istanbul, Turkey.    Reynolds 5, Near Women’s Bathroom   Brand: Halsey Taylor. A classic, reliable company. This […]

In a school-wide email announcement earlier this week, SFS Dean Joel Hellman announced the extension of the SFS Centennial for another year. Former World Bank Chief Economist Hellman wrote: “We are so grateful for how engaged the student body has been in celebrating our institution. The SFS Academic Council is instrumental in this event, from […]

Note from the Editor in Chief: This story was anonymously slipped under the door of the Heckler office. It has been edited for some adult themes in order to comply with our third party offshore appropriateness advisory board, but the original sentiment and character of the story remain. Goddamn feta cheese and balsamic dressing! Us, […]

SPORTS RECAP: Apparently there was a basketball game or something this week, but all Hoyas truly in the loop knew that only one battle of stamina and wills captivated the Hilltop. On Sunday night, first-years Maddy Bernard (MSB ‘23) and Anjali Joshi (COL ‘23) found themselves preparing for bed on Darnall 6 at roughly the […]

The soulful voice of Otis Redding is an American cultural treasure. Millions of people have found comfort and tranquility in his sultry singing. However, it has recently come to the attention of the vigilant Heckler Culture & Music staff that the classic tune, (Sittin’ On) the Dock of the Bay, is nothing but a censored […]

In a shocking turn of events, this past Sunday the Student Guards orchestrated a coup d’etat, dissolving GUSA and establishing a brutal police state.    Effective immediately, all civil liberties have ceased to exist across campus. Reports indicate that Student Guards have the right to beat the ever-loving shit out of anyone that “be looking […]

GENEVA – In its most recent published report, the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) confirmed that the globe is indeed heating up, but for some rather sultry reasons. Quite surprisingly, Mother Earth is “somewhat turned on” at the prospect of being completely ravaged by the human race. After years of abuse, the climate believes […]