Huh. Turns out, every time one of those space Nazis was forced onto their knees to say “Yes, Lord Vader,” they derived some sort of masochistic pleasure from it. Weird. I guess they could be really into the whole “all black” thing, too. Some people just really want an authority figure to put them in […]

Dear Mankind, It is with great pleasure that we the sea turtles are in a position to grant the thirsty yet environmentally conscious humans a much deserved break from their heroism. Avoiding straws is tough, both for you and for us. We appreciate all of the hard work and that is why we have decided […]

“You told me everybody else would bring their spouses too,” hissed Bernice Stapleton (COL ’86), as saxophonist Jerrad Stapleton lead his wife into his old band room. Jerrad took a deep inhale, and smiled. “It smells just like it used to,” he said looking a bit too stimulated. Former Tubist Edd Armstrong (SFS ’86)  jealousy […]

With the first few weeks of school behind him, Freshman Male finalized his schedule minutes before Add/Drop closed last Friday. An undeclared major in the college, Freshman Male was looking to “get some recs out of the way” during his first semester, landing on a five-class course load including Noun: Noun and Noun, Noun, Noun, and […]

LAUINGER LIBRARY – I am soooo sorry that I ruin your picturesque front lawn. I’ve heard you say it. Yeah, you. “Lau is supposed to be a brutalist interpretation of Healy Hall, but personally I don’t see it.” “Wow people really did lots of drugs in the 60s.” “Ah Lau is so ugly and depressing, […]

  Service Request ID: 154510 Requested By: STEVENSON, MICHAEL – MRS354 Date Requested: The day she broke my heart Site Name: The barren wasteland that is dating in the 21st Building Name: Lau 3 (I’ll be the student openly weeping) Request Type: Comfort, love, a little bit of TLC Problem Type: Me. Always me. Description: […]

UGH- Sources around campus reported earlier today that Amy has no sit-down exams this semester. She only has three essays, but none of them are due until Friday. Amy plans to go home on Wednesday and just write her papers from there, so she can work in her kitchen where there’s so much natural light. […]

People everywhere are raving over Marvel’s newest superhero movie, Avengers Endgame. The film has it all: dialogue, a plot, and of course, a heck of a lot of adorable butterfly kisses. That’s right, Avengers Endgame shattered industry predictions last weekend with a whopping 127 butterfly kisses in its 181-minute runtime. This blows past the previous […]

DAVIS PERFORMING ARTS CENTER– Georgetown has long been proud to be the home of a thriving arts scene, and been ashamed for an equally long time to be home to a thriving student art scene. Various theater organizations have a history of putting on wonderful productions, from Tony Karam’s Speech and Debate to Qui Nguyen’s […]