Freshman who were unable to impress only slightly older but much more attractive peers will line up like ugly ducklings to try to find some other uggos to hang out with. We have highlighted some groups who will be in attendance below:    PAC (Plain Ass Crusties) WGTB (Weally Gross Troll Boys)  GPB (Goblin People […]

To just say that The georgetown Heckler editor should’ve scoured this article for mistakes harder would be putting it lightly. Maybe the editor is feeling all edited out by now but this person really should be trying to uphold a standard here. its embarrassing.   Some of these sentences are far too long, clause after […]

Metropolitan police reported last night that a foul and sinister odor filled the air around Georgetown University around 8:06 PM. A witness alerted police to the stench that evening, citing fear and concern for the student population’s safety. The Heckler reached out to the witness for comment, who requested to remain anonymous. “I thought that […]

YATES FIELD HOUSE – Onlookers looked on in awe as they witnessed one of the finest displays of pure, manly prowess Georgetown has to offer, in the form of certifiable hunk-and-a-half Jerry Garcia (NHS ‘20, no relation). In a two-hour set, Garcia did it all – both repping and  maxing, with only minimal time dedicated […]

EPICUREAN AND COMPANY—.   Open 24 hours on weekends, and a party that doesn’t require club connections or friends, Epi is the Vill A Rooftop of dining. So when the other thing you just showed up to inevitably gets shut down, there is no better solution than to buy yourself some plans for the low low […]

Huh. Turns out, every time one of those space Nazis was forced onto their knees to say “Yes, Lord Vader,” they derived some sort of masochistic pleasure from it. Weird. I guess they could be really into the whole “all black” thing, too. Some people just really want an authority figure to put them in […]

Dear Mankind, It is with great pleasure that we the sea turtles are in a position to grant the thirsty yet environmentally conscious humans a much deserved break from their heroism. Avoiding straws is tough, both for you and for us. We appreciate all of the hard work and that is why we have decided […]

“You told me everybody else would bring their spouses too,” hissed Bernice Stapleton (COL ’86), as saxophonist Jerrad Stapleton lead his wife into his old band room. Jerrad took a deep inhale, and smiled. “It smells just like it used to,” he said looking a bit too stimulated. Former Tubist Edd Armstrong (SFS ’86)  jealousy […]

With the first few weeks of school behind him, Freshman Male finalized his schedule minutes before Add/Drop closed last Friday. An undeclared major in the college, Freshman Male was looking to “get some recs out of the way” during his first semester, landing on a five-class course load including Noun: Noun and Noun, Noun, Noun, and […]

LAUINGER LIBRARY – I am soooo sorry that I ruin your picturesque front lawn. I’ve heard you say it. Yeah, you. “Lau is supposed to be a brutalist interpretation of Healy Hall, but personally I don’t see it.” “Wow people really did lots of drugs in the 60s.” “Ah Lau is so ugly and depressing, […]