LAU — Calling it a “huge blown opportunity”, sophomore Jason Wells (COL ’17) forgot to tell his peers about spending last Saturday afternoon in Lauinger Library. Wells said he is “really upset” that he missed “such a great opportunity” to feign self-discipline and commitment to academics to his peers.   “The amount of pity I could […]

PROSPECT STREET —  Sophomore Jonah Andrews reported this Sunday that dressing up for Halloween as South Korean pop star Psy for the third year in a row did not earn him the respect and admiration that it had the past two years. Andrews first dressed as Psy in 2012, after the release of the hit […]

HEALY CIRCLE – Following the conclusion of the Homecoming festivities early last week, an overwhelming portion of the class of 2014 has reportedly not left campus.Members of the class of 2014 have been seen loitering around school buildings, sleeping in dorm common rooms and even attempting to attend classes. “We get this kind of thing […]

REISS – According to new sources, Georgetown’s many teaching assistants are again planning to attend the Annual TA Conference, or ATAC for short, this weekend. The excitement in the planning room was palpable.The Annual TA Conference’s newsletter, Unqualified Quarterly, describes their mission to, “foster confusion, uphold incompetency, and promote frustration in the name of subpar […]

HEALY HALL — In its latest press release, the Georgetown administration announced that construction on new buildings is proceeding behind schedule as planned, with work on track to meet none of the requirements of the anticipated 2020 Campus Plan. Though the new Campus Plan has yet to be announced University Spokesperson Stacey Kerr told the […]

Healy Hall — Saying that the old methods of utilizing graveyards, ghouls and fake blood “just doesn’t cut it anymore,” Director of Residential Living and Scary Events Jenny Helmshire announced that the decorations for this year’s annual “Haunted Healy” attraction would be focused around life post-graduation.   The haunted house attraction, put on by the […]

REISS — In a landmark defeat for students with disabilities on campus, construction worker Jason Ader rolled wheelchair-bound sophomore Alex Tirole (MSB ’17) into a bottomless pit.   The incident occurred last Tuesday as Tirole passed the Reiss Walkway construction site.  Ader, shouting that Tirole was “moving too slowly” and that “the reckoning hath cometh”, […]