Here at The Georgetown Heckler, we are dedicated to making the transition to Zoom classes as easy as possible. To aid in this shift, we have done some testing and determined the best ways to covertly use the restroom while in a Zoom call. Below, we have laid out a guide for “instructional conti-poo-ity.” Use […]

SCIENCE – According to chobanipropoganda.gov, that watery substance atop your Greek yogurt isn’t water at all. The liquid is actually whey, a protein that naturally separates out of dairy products. Everytime someone cracks open a fresh tub of Fagé and says, “Ew why is there always water on top,” not only are they wrong, they are […]

McCARTHY HALL – Resident Minister Anthony “Tony” Manza’s weekly office hours for students were empty this week, likely because the Southwest Quad, like the rest of campus, has been vacated in order to contain the spread of the COVID-19 virus.  Although, if we’re being honest, they were empty last week too.  And the week before.  […]

Breaking news! Presidential hopeful and democratic frontrunner, Joe Biden, has tested positive for COVID-19.  This is what we are going to say when it happens. It’s just good journalism to have the news ready to print before it happens so you can be the ones to say it first. The Heckler prides itself in its […]

Georgetown University – Hello? Hello!? Is anyone here? This isn’t funny anymore guys, I’m really starting to worry. Everyone can come out now. I’m flattered that everyone knows when my half-birthday is, but I don’t think it warrants a surprise party of this magnitude. I haven’t seen anyone in four days, and I’ve looked all over. […]

Unaware of his sheer folly and hubris, first-year student Jacob Harrison (COL ‘23) recently excitedly told his friends that he had discovered an entirely new section of the famed tunnels underneath Georgetown’s campus.    “We were pretty excited at first,” said fellow freshman Maria Jeffress (NHS ‘23), “so of course we asked Jake to show […]

As Saturday night came to a close, many Hoyas retreated from the Vil A rooftops after a night fraught with regrettable behavior. Sophomore Eugene Hicks (COL ‘22) was chief amongst this group, because he really shit the bed. Soon after he arrived, Samantha Jennings (NHS ‘22) recognized Hicks from her economics class, and asked for […]

THURSDAY EVENING – Cabaret, the yearly musical extravaganza, took place at the U Street Music Hall yesterday. The lineup featured plenty of bright, young things, screlting their hearts out with a jazzy, bouncy back-up band to boot. It’s comforting to know we have such flouncy youth at Georgetown, eager to sing and dance for all […]

Remember that photo you drunkenly took last Friday night? Do you think you had the right to post it on social media? Well you’re wrong. John Carroll— a stubborn old man— has, for centuries, refused to sign a photo release, and now it’s paying off huge for him. That’s right. He’s taking YOU to court, […]

If you’ve ever been concerned about the pedigree of your local water fountain, look no further. Here are six iconic Georgetown (main campus) water fountains ranked by brand, water quality, water pressure, aesthetic, and how close they are to Istanbul, Turkey.    Reynolds 5, Near Women’s Bathroom   Brand: Halsey Taylor. A classic, reliable company. This […]