How to Narc from Home: A Guide for Displaced SNAPs Members
By Carolina Edgecumb | February 26, 2021
Here at SNAPs, we care a lot about our group culture, and with Miss Rona being the buzzkill that she is, we worry some of our members might feel left out. For that reason, we’ve put together a guide! Just because you’re stuck at home doesn’t mean you can’t still participate in our favorite activity— […]
Friend Who Kept Trying To Sell You His “Book” Now Wants To Know If You’d Be Interested In A High-Quality Knife Set
By Alfred Conkling Coxe Jr. | February 24, 2021
Hey, man! How’s it going? Good? Man, been a crazy year, huh? It’s so good to see you! Did you ever get around to reading my book, Trite Yet Catchy Precolon: Longer Phrase Using Several Unrelated Buzzwords? I was so thrilled that you decided to buy it! It meant a whole lot to me as […]
Michael Barbaro Vows to Decrease Size of Glasses Each Time You Say You Listened to the Daily Even Though You Didn’t
By Augustus Lorde Soule | February 23, 2021
On the February 13th episode of the New York Times’ ‘The Daily,’ host Michael Barbaro made a surprising vow to listeners. “I, Michael Barbaro, of the New York Times’ ‘The Daily’ podcast, featuring myself, Michael Barbaro, am done with liars. This podcast reaches two million people daily, yet it seems everyone has something to say […]
BREAKING: GUSA Exec Candidates All Hip, Leftist Versions of Jon Ossoff
By Rufus Wheeler Peckham | February 18, 2021
And it’s off to the races! On February 17, the GUSA Executive Candidates had their first tussle in the haystack to prove their mettle in gaining and maintaining Georgetown’s highest executive office: student body president. Topics ranged from COVID-19 Response and Socioeconomic Advocacy, to student organization support and academic continuity, and even to the implications […]
“But We Eliminated Lab Fees!”: Provost Groves Struggles To Justify Tuition Line Item Labeled ‘Bobby’s Trampoline Office’
By Lucius Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar | February 17, 2021
Following last week’s announcement of the Fall 2021-Spring 2022 tuition rates, the Office of the Provost found itself in hot water over a newly added line item– a $101 fee labeled “Bobby’s Trampoline Office.” Though previous communications to the undergraduate student body had indicated the elimination of separate student fees– including Yates field house fees, […]
We Get It, You’re Smart: Girl In My Zoom Class Always Wears Georgetown Sweatshirt
By Bushrod Washington | February 12, 2021
Some people are just immediately unlikable. I find this to be especially true of elitists. It’s so sad when people feel the need to justify their intelligence or prove how special they are in gaudy performative shows. If you’re self-assured and truly smart, there is no need to flex! Every time I log into my […]
“Blorp Bizblap”: Big Plastic Introduces Disposable Words
By Augustus Lorde Soule | February 8, 2021
English has been spoken for many hundreds of years on many continents (8 if you include the Moon)! Think of all the people that have said things: Shakespeare, Rosa Parks, Malala… The list can go on for a long time! How can you match them? You can’t. The English language is overused, cliché, and impossible […]
Happy Xmas (Election Fraud is Real): GUCR Choir Performs Worst Tribute to John Lennon
By Augustus Lorde Soule | December 16, 2020
ZOOM—Imagine a silent Zoom call with twenty Republicans singing a song about widespread voter fraud to the tune of Happy Xmas (War is Over) by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. That’s about all you need to know about this week’s Georgetown University College Republicans (GUCR) Choir performance. Whether the audience enjoyed the performance is unknown. […]