Greetings, sun-bleached readers! It’s me, the editor of The Georgetown Heckler. I hope you all had fulfilling and arrest-free summers. But now another year begins which means another year to join a bunch of clubs that may or not be relevant to any of your interests. Now normally I would advise against joining any clubs. […]

It was my understanding that Georgetown University used to be an open and tolerant campus; a place where those wishing to pursue their academic interests could do so to the fullest extent possible and with the guarantees afforded to us as citizens of a free nation. So it came as a shock to me when […]

(The following was submitted to the Heckler office covered in slobber and paw prints) Hi there, it’s me, JJ. Remember me, your former-future mascot? Well, I know that many of you are as unhappy about leaving as I am, so I wanted to let you know what really happened that fateful day last fall. Some […]

Following a recent policy change barring students from owning cars on or near campus except in special circumstances, the ANC voted today to just simplify the process and erect a wall between 35th and 36th streets, ensuring that students not spillover their “noisy, beer-sodden lifestyles” into the upper class neighborhood. The policy was made without […]

Greetings, sexy readers, it’s me, the editor of The Georgetown Heckler, and I am thrilled to announce that our website has recovered from its crash. I’m sure you noticed that we crashed, because…well…of course you did. Following some minor emotional breakdowns and bourbon-fuelled crying episodes we are once again fully operational and ready to disperse […]

Dear Dahlgren Chapel Vandals, I would like to preface this letter by saying that I rarely feel moved to speak out on the twaddle I read in The Hoya.  Between leading the unsuspecting off the path of righteousness, tormenting the souls of the damned, and shooting skeet with Wayne LaPierre, I am a terribly busy […]

In a press conference last week, Director of Residence Life Katie Lynch put an end to the dispute of whether the RA position stands for “Resident Advisor” or “Resident Assistant;” instead, she sheepishly announced that it actually stands for “Really Awkward.” In an effort to increase inter-departmental transparency, Residence Life finally announced that the well-known […]

GEORGETOWN- In a move that has left students both excited and deeply confused Georgetown’s Office of Transportation Management has announced a new GUTS Bus to Nowhere. The new line will leave from Dahlgren Chapel on the 42nd minute of every other hour, taking passengers down to the Lincoln Memorial, through Anacostia, past the Chinatown Fuddruckers, […]

To all Georgetown Students, I hope you all had a fun and relaxing St. Patrick’s Day. It is a time of year where, whether we posses the proper ancestry or not, we all celebrate Irish heritage. While we at the university understand that the consuming of alcoholic beverages is a regular feature of this holiday […]

Just a few weeks after St. Patrick’s Day, Georgetown Program Board President Andy Griffen (COL ’13) announced that the organization has officially disbanded after trying beer for the first time. The group was found completely wasted in Burleith Saturday afternoon with half a beer each hidden in the water bottles frequently awarded as movie-trivia prizes. […]