HEALY LAWN – As prospective students descended on Georgetown’s campus for GAAP weekend, one Colin McGuire (SFS ‘23) of Columbus, Ohio had a particularly harrowing episode. In a weekend full of icebreaker games, awkward silence broken only by timid small talk, and getting lost, lost, lost, a little incident on the lawn took the cake […]

GEORGETOWN – The Healy Clock Tower struck 9 AM yesterday, Monday, April 8th, in the year of our Lord two thousand and nineteen and, as such, The Reckoning is upon us: Live Registration has begun, and The Bulldog must be appeased.   Previously, the University Registrar has been able to minimize carnage and loss of […]

GEORGETOWN— Since the beginning of last week, all around campus special editions of the Georgetown Voice have been distributed, celebrating that newspaper’s 50th anniversary. We here at the Georgetown Heckler have also been celebrating an anniversary, we just decided not to be so obnoxious about it. The Heckler Staff congratulates the Georgetown Voice on their […]

BETHESDA – I have a harrowing – yet eye-opening – experience to share. My friends and I let our weird roommate be the group sponsor for housing this year, and, next thing I know, a local Papa John’s in Bethesda is where I’m now calling home. Yep, it sounds strange. You wouldn’t believe how fast […]

Heh. Would you look at that. Never thought of it that way. How weird would it be if we spelled ‘pepperoni’ that way, huh? Pretty fuckin’ weird, I would say. “Uh, excuse me, can I please have one large pepperoine pizza?” Only a dumbass would say something like that. Not me. I’m not a dumbass. […]

“It all felt like a normal day in Uncommon Grounds,” explained communist, Todd Boddson (COL ‘19), “until I saw the criminal behavior occurring on my favorite table.” A fellow Georgetown student had taken several textbooks, loose papers, a notebook, and her laptop and completely monopolized an entire table. Boddson typically hangs around Uncommon Grounds in […]

We know housing selection can be one of the most stressful things here at Georgetown. With selection happening this week, we here at The Heckler have put together a comprehensive guide to help you pick the best place to live. We have the perspective necessary to let not only you, but all your baby pets, […]

WASHINGTON – We have finally done it! Since setting plans in motion to become The Georgetown Harvard Lampoon in 2009, we have been engaged in a lengthy legal dispute. A new document that has surfaced in this case has blown it wide open and the name “The Harvard Lampoon” is ours! At least that’s what […]

Last night at the famed Institute of Peace, Diplomats, Model UN kids, and the baseball team gathered for what we at Georgetown call Dip Ball. Freshman nicotine fiend Bucky Smith bought his team tickets after taking a fat rip of his juul, thinking that Dip Ball was a celebration of chewing tobacco, if not a […]

GEORGETOWN– The MSB’s annual Rocket Pitch competition, presented by Startup Hoyas, is currently entering its third day. This competition is designed to allow promising MSB students to mash the words “Uber” or “Netflix” or “Chipotle” with currently existing industries in exchange for cartoonishly large checks. Last year’s winner was Ta2Go, described by its founders as […]