The internship application season at Georgetown can be brutal, and this year was no exception. Marcie Corron (SFS ’24) spent last weekend in a mad rush as she scrambled to fill out an application to work for one of the senators of Missouri, a state she has never been to, cannot spell, and knows shockingly […]

A couple of weeks ago I shorted the radio of my mom’s 2013 Honda Odyssey in a bong water related incident, leaving me permanently tuned into 95.8 Fearless Faith. This would outrage any other single 22-year-old man still living at home, but not me. The Immaculate AM-FM Disruption set my life and Uber career on […]

As many students already know, over the past few months, Georgetown has been wracked with one crisis after another, including issues relating to hate crimes, lack of access to healthcare, and unsanitary food conditions. This has led to increasing pressure by students for the University to address its problematic social and political legacy. But the […]

The Year of the Rabbit will unfortunately not apply to the hilly banks of the Potomac where Georgetown University’s campus is located. According to scholars, because the moon’s light hits the campus at a 71.31° angle and the lateral velocity of the moon is a steady 6.7 km/s, the 104 acre campus is stuck in […]

Holy Trinity Elementary School, located just one block from Georgetown’s main campus, has filed an official request with the Cardinal O’Connor Conference, demanding that next year’s conference be hosted at a location at least as far or farther than the distance sex offenders are required to maintain from schools as per federal and district statutes. […]

WHITE GRAVENOR 204: “Yes, officer! That’s him! That’s the sick fuck that has been holding in her poop for 25 minutes in class.” God, you make us all sick. You thought you were slick holding in your poop like that? Holding it right in your butt? Disgusting. Everyone in class saw through your twisted little […]

A dreary December morning. A chorus of muffled coughs. This 9am theology class was like any other. That was, until Stephen Honkerton (SFS ‘26) took a seat. Within moments, Honkerton’s peers saw him reach for the still-damp handkerchief in his pocket, and raise it to his nose.  SNOOOORT!!!! SNIFF!!!!! HOOOOOONKKKKKK!! No amount of onomatopoeia could […]

Oscar Mayer, not Oscar Meyer. Looney Tunes, not Looney Toons. A nuclear family of bears, not an age-play polycule. Everybody experiences this feeling once in a while. Something you were so certain was real—like the powerful polyamorous love shared between four fictional bears—turns out to be only a false memory. I hadn’t thought about the […]

Stuffing? Check. Gravy? Check. I didn’t pull out and it felt great. I’m definitely taking this recipe down for next Thanksgiving, and the one after that, and the one after that. If only it was socially acceptable to fuck the turkey on the other 364 days of the year. If it was, you bet this […]

ARLINGTON: Sometimes a weekend of peace is all I need to cap off a difficult week working at Deloitte. A family reunion should be a fun way to wind down with the people I love, but my god damn nephew sucks. I try to avoid him at the party but my infectious magnetism seems to […]