It was a fateful day when Jake (MSB ‘24) (the Jake to your left), found out that the US is one of the only countries in the world without any federal maternity leave. Apparently, that’s all it took for Jake to shut his mouth and finally ponder the state of women in America. “I always […]

Rough. Rugged. Masculine. Marlboro Man. I know exactly what image these words conjure in your mind: me studying in Lau 2 on a Friday night. But our library has been sissified by the cowards in administration. Appeals to liberal nonsense like “secondhand smoke” and “obnoxious odor disrupting other students” are being used to deny me […]

People (Michael Barbaro) keep saying Washington is more polarized than ever. What is the reason for this divide, you might ask? Answer: the psychosocial division between its college students, or what sociologists are calling the “Hilltop and Foggybottom Divide.” Take the quiz below to find out which side of the aisle you stand on! 1. […]

It was insane. One minute Ryan (my roommate, Ryan Nurble, MSB ‘25) was passed out, unresponsive even to the Burnett’s I wafted under his nose and the kick I gave him to the balls. The next minute, he was awake, coherent, and in a great mood! Claire, Peyton, and Maddie, if you’re reading this, I […]

GUSA MEETING – “Hear ye, students! Thy votes shall be tallied hence and brought forth by the arbiter!” Sophomore representative Michael Parker pushed forward his agenda today, announcing the 17th referendum on his new GUSA initiative. Aptly titled The Yorick Bill, Parker’s bill allocates additional funding to the various hiring departments at Georgetown to allow […]

WE HAD BEEN UP ALL NIGHT STUDYING, my friends and I, beneath mosque lamps whose brass cupolas are bright as our souls, because like them we were illuminated by the internal glow of electric hearts. And trampling underfoot our native sloth, we literally trampled underfoot the pavement in our truly avant-garde quest to walk down […]

I, Heckler staff writer Horace Harmon Lurton III, took a stab at comedy performance this past semester when I tried out to be a troupe member of the Georgetown Improv Association. At the audition, I found myself surrounded on all sides by tall lanky white boys. I asked the head of improv, “Why all the […]

Many Hoyas have admired Gravis Tripp’s (COL ’24) unreal skateboarding tricks. He can often be observed serpentining around Southwest Quad and grinding on the railings behind Yates. However, Gravis has a secret. And he’s ready to talk about it.  Last Saturday, multiple witnesses noticed a man with a familiar mop of ratty blond hair, which […]

Traditions Day was last week, and we still have absolutely no idea what to make of the mysterious man spotted playing a fiddle on the roof of White-Gravenor, nor what he’s supposed to convey, indicate, or symbolize. He did not respond to our pleas to “get down, please, that’s not a flat roof, you’re going […]

RED SQUARE – Yikes! Most of the student body was confused and made to feel at least a bit icky upon entering Red Square this past week, as GU Right to Life once again spent their free time writing odd, cryptic messages on the ground instead of, say, preventing abortions by giving out condoms, helping […]