LEO’S — Freshman Ethan White (MSB ’18) reportedly scored “major points” with fellow first year Tina Cohen (NHS, ’18) on Tuesday night, after he told her that the empty chair at his Leo’s table was “all her’s” to take. White, sitting with two friends, was describing a “sweet care package” he had just received from […]

POTOMAC RIVER — Unconfirmed reports have emerged that the Georgetown Men’s Heavy Weight Crew Team was eaten early this morning in the Potomac River. Speculation began to increase after the team failed to return to the boathouse at 7 am. Unverified reports have come to forward to say that the men’s team was devoured by […]

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NEW SOUTH – As the temperature has started to drop and the unhygienic conditions of dorm life are taking their toll, the lone healthy freshman in all of New South, Chris Sullivan (MSB ’18), told reporters he has felt considerably more left out as everyone he knows has begun complaining about being sick. Earlier this week in the […]

ICC 107 — After three years of rampant speculation, New Jersey native Jeff Richards (COL, 15) declared that his senior year at Georgetown will be his final one. “It’s just time to hang up the backpack,” said Richards, out loud, during his Econ lecture. The senior, however, made it clear that he would be expecting […]

VILLAGE A — Braving an exposed position in the downpour on Wednesday afternoon, sophomore Tanner Towes (SFS ’17) announced that he was successfully able showcase his unceasing wit in spite of potentially technologically-deadly conditions.  Risking permanently damaging his two-week old $599 iPhone 6, Towes reported delivering the 83 character message to his 59 twitter followers […]

LXR — Citing two full months of absence from his newsfeed, sophomore George Sandson (MSB ’17) told reporters he was “about ready” to abandon the notion that he would be nominated for the ice bucket challenge. Holding out hope for more than 70 days that a friend, relative, former significant other, acquaintance, or person he […]

GASTON — The Georgetown University Lecture Fund added yet another name to its list of distinguished speakers with the appearance of James Grant at the podium of Gaston Hall last Thursday. “Today’s speaker truly needs no introduction,” University President John DeGioia said in his opening remarks at the event before passing the microphone to the […]

LAU 2 — With an iPhone holding less than 2% of its battery and his charger several blocks away, Junior Hayden Dumeir (COL ’16) told reporters that he will be temporarily lifting most parameters for friendship. Reneging most core requirements such as mutual interests or sense of humor, Dumeir said that although “nothing is final […]