Seth Rogen’s comedy about annihilating the homosexual scourge is an instant classic!     I tend not to be a fan of that Seth Rogen fellow, with his slacker attitude and his obsession with substance abuse. Yet I was very surprised to hear that he finally created a film with a positive message – namely, […]

GOOCHLAND — Citing a need to “reclaim their managerial reputation,” the Goochland United Soccer Association announced Tuesday that they will sue the Georgetown University Student Association for the rights to the highly coveted “GUSA” acronym.   Goochland, a small town outside of Richmond, Virginia, and the home of the Goochland United Soccer Association, has a […]

HENLE – A writer for the Georgetown Heckler was seen attempting to gain popularity by advertising his position as a writer at various parties and social events.   While in attendance at fraternity party last Friday night, bystanders report that this writer asked everyone what organizations they were in, and then fervently waited for them […]

LEAVEY CENTER – As GUSA election season approaches, juniors preparing their runs for office have begun to separate themselves from the current GUSA leadership: Trevor Tezel and Omika Jikaria. However, because few people are actually informed of GUSA activities, candidates have to go to great lengths to separate themselves from the incumbents.   In one […]

  LEAVEY CENTER– The Georgetown University Student Association (GUSA) released a statement this week saying that this year’s GUSA presidential campaign will be streamlined by allowing anyone who cares even a little to just vote now.   “Technically the election isn’t until late February,” said GUSA Press Secretary T.J. Potter (COL ’16). “However, this initiative will […]

    CHAMPAGNE STOCKED LIMO- Stating that he has no intention to change any aspect of his 2012 “Believe in America” platform, former Massachusetts Governor and presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced his intention this morning to run for president of the Georgetown University Student Association.  “I believe in Georgetown in 2015 just as much as […]

VERIZON CENTER — Having stored enough energy for the winter, Georgetown Center Joshua Smith announced Saturday that he would hibernate for the rest of winter. “This is an ongoing process that my teammates and coach have been supportive of. It is a natural process for me to store large amounts of energy and lower my […]

WHITE GRAVENOR – Bowing to a growing trend among elite universities, Georgetown University rescinded diplomatic recognition of the state of Wyoming on Monday in an effort to advertise student representation from all states.   According Charles Deacon, Dean of Undergraduate Admissions, the move came after a number of steps to recruit more candidates from the […]

WISEMILLER’S – After rumors began circulating that it was exploring another bid for GUSA presidency, the popular Wisemiller’s sandwich Chicken Madness announced today that it will not run in the 2015 election.   “After careful deliberation and much soul-searching, I have decided that I will not pursue the GUSA presidency again this year,” the former […]