Hey, The Caravel! We’d like to challenge you to a friendly game of chess-by-article-headline. The game is simple: we each take turns playing a turn of chess in our article headlines. To use one of your recent headlines as an example, it might read something like “Judge Who Arrested Ex-President Lula da Silva May Soon […]

After final grades were submitted, we asked professors to send us the papers that made them shake their heads and contemplate why they spend so much time and money on getting a PhD. These are some of our top picks: ECON 341: Nunya’s Law and Why It’s None of Your Business The Male Gays: How […]

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s the Egg Signal! After months of silence from not the hero Georgetown needed, but the hero Georgetown deserved, the Georgetown Vigilante Egger returned when we needed him most. Responding to the Egg Signal, the Egger came back to make a statement at Saturday’s Cardinal O’Connor Conference on Life […]

Jack the Bulldog was pulled over by the MPD this Saturday while driving his teeny-weeny, itsy-bitsy Toyota Tacoma (so cute!) at 10:34 PM. He was subsequently taken into custody after refusing to take a breathalyzer or field sobriety test — and he continued to refuse any test while in custody. The Heckler’s sources in the […]

BREAKING: The tamed piss bag from the Lau 2 urinal has been relocated to the Reiss 2 men’s bathroom after problems were found in the original enclosure. The emergency relocation comes after 3 years of successful habitation in Lau 2 and thousands of daily visitors. Recently, however, Hunky the piss bag was exhibiting more aggressive […]

You: An Ivy League* educated lawyer specializing in “alleged” financial obstruction (covering up financial obstruction, not preventing it. To be clear). Preferably one who graduated summa cum laude (trust me, we’ll need it). Us: The desperate administration of an unnamed “elite” University that has fallen on hard times. “Allegedly” of our own making. Offer: We […]

A Letter from the Editor: Dear Readers, My time at the Heckler has been wonderful so far, and I can’t wait to drive this ship into the ground with my winning combination of constant dedication but abysmal decision-making. I’ll admit, I was only barely accepted into the Heckler in a particularly sparse round of applications, […]

“Oh yeah, the snow is way worse up in Boston,” explains SFS Freshman Justin Harbor. “The average person’s ability to experience disappointment and not resort to violence is also, funnily enough, much worse up there too.” To Harbor and many others who hail from the climate-wise and also emotion-wise frigid region of New England, moving […]

The big-dicked, big stick carrier is back! Trustbuster and former president Teddy Roosevelt somehow returned from the dead and made his way to Georgetown, navigating entirely by a contempt for monopolies, as a century of decomposition destroyed his eyes. “The Corp is so much worse than Nestlé and Amazon,” he was heard saying before setting […]